VCD

I just suddenly had this memory of the good old times when Ah Kor Gu still sleeps with us on floor; I sleep on the lower deck of our black metal framed bed; and korkor sleeps on the upper deck. And we had the television in front of us; sometimes we watch random shows, sometimes we put in VCDs to watch. I remembered watching A Date with the Vampire and Tian Long Ba Bu together with the two of them... Was it every Sunday night? Also recall watching some Stephen Chow shows on the disc player. Ah Gu also used to own one side of the three-panel cupboard where he'll throw all his random stuff inside. After awhile, Ah Gu no longer stay with us regularly. And it's really been awhile since I've last saw or even heard of him. Even till now, every time he calls or visits I get kinda excited. I remember the first time I striked a $1k 4D when I was 11 or 12 I gave him the most of my winnings cos I thought he'd need it the most. To think I don't even know what he's been doing now is really a shame...

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Room left with my brother and I still had the same homely feel. Bro will sometimes play with his comp while I try very hard to sleep (insomnia since a very young age; very sensitive to lights till this day!); sometimes we'll watch shows together (mostly he dictates of course), most memorable was his Shen Diao Xia Lv by Andy Lau. We don't really quarrel much, not that I can remember anyway. And sis has always been in the other room, sometimes Kenneth (my current bro-in-law) will come over and stay, and I'll be very excited and ask to sleep with them (cos I always like to be with more people, ever since I was young, even till today, I rather sleep on the floor than in a room by myself, unless it's too cold hahaha). Then my sis moved out, and my bro moved into her room... 

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At that point of time my brother's gf (now ex), Eva, will also come over to stay regularly. I remember always tagging along with them whenever they go on a date; from primary school (before CHS, cos I remembered my brother showing me that cat high was just a street away from where Eva stayed and we always drop her off there) to secondary school and probably even JC. I don't sleep with them of course; old enough at this point to know not to disturb their time alone. Then bro had his breakup after his masters. I don't quite remember where I was; probably JC, maybe army. But I do remember the night when Eva and him met to collect back each other's stuff.

That night, I pretended to be asleep. I've never seen him cry, and I still haven't. But I heard him sob that night... Somehow I felt the pain, even as I type this. 

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When I was in army, home was where I always run back to whenever I have the chance; especially the first few months. I've never thought I'd love the feeling of going home so much until I didn't have the freedom to do so... Booking in felt so sad not because I'm getting confined in my army camps, but because I'm leaving my parents behind between the quiet walls. 

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Then finally, bro moved out after 22nd September 2012 when my university just started and he held his wedding at Sentosa Cove. 

I also moved into hall and the house just gets quieter and quieter; not less the sounds my noisy and naughty nephews make every afternoon. I can even imagine the evenings when the food are cooked and the boys just get back from school, mahjong crackling in the room(s) and everyone starts to come back for dinner. This is usually Wednesday or Thursday. Come the weekend when everyone prepares for school and work and the boys go home, the house just becomes an empty space. 

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I remember when I was in primary school whenever my mum left the house for grocery or shopping without telling me, and I return to an empty house, I'll hide at one corner and wait for her to come back while I play out all the scary scenarios that could happen in my head. I hated the emptiness. I hated the silence. I hated the absence. 

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I wanna go back home.