I know that ours was an unhealthy one.
It should have ended long time ago.
That'll save us all the pretendence, all the lies, all the exasperation.
But it's hard to put everything down just like that.
I don't know whether I can't, or I don't want to.
But you just seem impossible to forget.
Everything around me is filled with your presence.
I can't bear to take them off.
But I have to.
Though I hate being forced to do something challenging like such.
I'll brave through it. I'm on my way there. And I want perfection to it.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Dared
It's hard to get over with.
But I'll try to change my perception of it:
Maybe it's just a crazy game of Truth or Dare.
But I'll try to change my perception of it:
Maybe it's just a crazy game of Truth or Dare.
Which unit?
*This post is solely based on personal opinion*
Q: If you come to a door to find it locked, what will you do to get pass it?
a) Break it
b) Figure it out
c) Call for help
--
According to some random theory,
(a) will lead you to the SCDF,
(b) will being you to the army, and
(c) will take you to the police force.
Ha. There is no confirmation to it, so I dunno how true it is.
Q: If you come to a door to find it locked, what will you do to get pass it?
a) Break it
b) Figure it out
c) Call for help
--
According to some random theory,
(a) will lead you to the SCDF,
(b) will being you to the army, and
(c) will take you to the police force.
Ha. There is no confirmation to it, so I dunno how true it is.
Unlucky day
First I got the news that I'll be having guard duty next Sun, which means I have to book in on the same day that I book out from Pasir Ris after BAC selection on Sat.
Then we got the news that our NeeSoon chalet stay will be extended, but without the accompaniment of my beloved DAs.
Then I went to buy things only to find out that I paid the casher extra $10 cause 2 $10-notes sticked together.
Then I kena a cut on my hand.
Then I got the news that the week following the next will be a 6-day week also, with IPPT back at pasir ris camp on t he Satuday. That makes a total of 15 stay-in nights consecutively. Machiam confinement.
How great. FML
Then we got the news that our NeeSoon chalet stay will be extended, but without the accompaniment of my beloved DAs.
Then I went to buy things only to find out that I paid the casher extra $10 cause 2 $10-notes sticked together.
Then I kena a cut on my hand.
Then I got the news that the week following the next will be a 6-day week also, with IPPT back at pasir ris camp on t he Satuday. That makes a total of 15 stay-in nights consecutively. Machiam confinement.
How great. FML
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Internet connection sucks!!!!!
FUCK YOU CONNECTION! CCB.
Make me re-write my previous post FIVE times!
KNN!!!!!
Make me re-write my previous post FIVE times!
KNN!!!!!
I'm sorry
I can betray anyone but my parents;
and I'll deceive anyone but them too.
Or maybe, I'm deceiving myself as well.
For the first is not true, and I can never agree with myself on the second.
I've given and did nothing for them, except lying.
They've given me nothing but their all, and in return, I breached their trust.
I'm true to everyone, except for them; everyone else knows the truth.
What an irony.
I wanna make the two sentenses come true.
It's like a dream.
What if one they they realise that I've been doing the thing they hate me doing most.
Or perhaps, more probably, they already know; what if one day they catch me in action?
I can't bear to think about it.
It sucks.
I know I haven't been addicted, and I know I can control and just quit.
But I'm not sure what's stopping me from doing it.
Perhaps the guilt within me is not strong enough, or maybe it's non-existent,
that's why I don't haven enough motivation and determination to quit.
Or perhaps all these are just excuses, I just wanna be myself; the rebelious self.
For that's the way of me showing my freedom.
It shows me that at least I still have some sense of inner peace with myself on the outside world.
It's not for the feeling nor the numbness, its for the escapade.
It's a symbolism without significance.
--
If one day I suddennly leave this world, I don't know if I should bury the secret with me.
I don't wanna hurt them further.
It's not the fact that I'm doing the thing they despise that'll do the damage.
It's the truth that I lied to them that'll kill.
But I don't wanna be a liar, even after I'm gone.
Will someone make that decision for me?...
Make a wise one, for the ones it'll hurt won't be me by then.
But the title'll do the job; they will forgive me, I know.
For they love me, just as much as I love them; perhaps even more.
It won't matter when it's being said or told...
I love you.
and I'll deceive anyone but them too.
Or maybe, I'm deceiving myself as well.
For the first is not true, and I can never agree with myself on the second.
I've given and did nothing for them, except lying.
They've given me nothing but their all, and in return, I breached their trust.
I'm true to everyone, except for them; everyone else knows the truth.
What an irony.
I wanna make the two sentenses come true.
It's like a dream.
What if one they they realise that I've been doing the thing they hate me doing most.
Or perhaps, more probably, they already know; what if one day they catch me in action?
I can't bear to think about it.
It sucks.
I know I haven't been addicted, and I know I can control and just quit.
But I'm not sure what's stopping me from doing it.
Perhaps the guilt within me is not strong enough, or maybe it's non-existent,
that's why I don't haven enough motivation and determination to quit.
Or perhaps all these are just excuses, I just wanna be myself; the rebelious self.
For that's the way of me showing my freedom.
It shows me that at least I still have some sense of inner peace with myself on the outside world.
It's not for the feeling nor the numbness, its for the escapade.
It's a symbolism without significance.
--
If one day I suddennly leave this world, I don't know if I should bury the secret with me.
I don't wanna hurt them further.
It's not the fact that I'm doing the thing they despise that'll do the damage.
It's the truth that I lied to them that'll kill.
But I don't wanna be a liar, even after I'm gone.
Will someone make that decision for me?...
Make a wise one, for the ones it'll hurt won't be me by then.
But the title'll do the job; they will forgive me, I know.
For they love me, just as much as I love them; perhaps even more.
It won't matter when it's being said or told...
I love you.
Friday, May 21, 2010
I want it too!
Whoa.
Therese entered USP sia. I also want...
But I didn't apply. Haha. Probably gonna do it next year.
But maybe by then I would have decided not to lah. Lol.
Anyway, just envious. Can do so many thing seh.
--
Think about it, scholarship's now my top priority. Really need it quite badly.
Can't it just drop from the sky?!?! Urgh. Knn. Damn troublesome.
Should have gotten a super smart brain, maybe that of my brother's will be enough.
Then perhaps scholarships will come knocking on my door, and not me finding it. Zzz.
--
Sian sia. Even Yicheng is going for driving lessons.
Seems like I'm one of the slowest.
I really wanna drive my own car.
That'll then really satisfy the freedom-thirsty me.
But then again. I need someone to SPONSOR me a car!
No scholarship will do that. Lol.
Not complaining that my parents are poor though, just have to work harder for it.
Haiz...
--
Why do I still have to study when I'm in army? Zzz
Needa do research on stupid aspirin and morphine somemore.
What happened to 'shave head cannot think'?
Why am I still required to use the kept-away brain of mine?!?!
Ha. But then Medic course is too relax for me to complain.
This is nothing compared to what the weapon-men goes through;
Saturday book-out, poor thing... Haha.
Somemore we get all the afternoon nap, nights out, no knock-it-down, no crazy PT.
How good will it be if we get the same salary for the same 'shit' for the rest of our army life. Ahhh...
--
And aiyo, wanna plan one outing also needa avoid a WWIII, what has this world (or rather, our 'world') come to become?! The same friends whom we eat sleep and bridge together in the past now cease to be able to co-exist. Zzz. Sad life.
--
Just being grumpy.
LOL.
--
Anyway. I'm at Macus' house again. Gonna wake early for Julian's birthday celebration tommorow, so might as well come here so that I can get a free ride. Not bad an idea huh. Haha. But then guess my wallet will have one more hole tomorrow. LOL.
--
I'm really starting to feel tired from guard duty and all the nonsense. Zzz. Good night!
Therese entered USP sia. I also want...
But I didn't apply. Haha. Probably gonna do it next year.
But maybe by then I would have decided not to lah. Lol.
Anyway, just envious. Can do so many thing seh.
--
Think about it, scholarship's now my top priority. Really need it quite badly.
Can't it just drop from the sky?!?! Urgh. Knn. Damn troublesome.
Should have gotten a super smart brain, maybe that of my brother's will be enough.
Then perhaps scholarships will come knocking on my door, and not me finding it. Zzz.
--
Sian sia. Even Yicheng is going for driving lessons.
Seems like I'm one of the slowest.
I really wanna drive my own car.
That'll then really satisfy the freedom-thirsty me.
But then again. I need someone to SPONSOR me a car!
No scholarship will do that. Lol.
Not complaining that my parents are poor though, just have to work harder for it.
Haiz...
--
Why do I still have to study when I'm in army? Zzz
Needa do research on stupid aspirin and morphine somemore.
What happened to 'shave head cannot think'?
Why am I still required to use the kept-away brain of mine?!?!
Ha. But then Medic course is too relax for me to complain.
This is nothing compared to what the weapon-men goes through;
Saturday book-out, poor thing... Haha.
Somemore we get all the afternoon nap, nights out, no knock-it-down, no crazy PT.
How good will it be if we get the same salary for the same 'shit' for the rest of our army life. Ahhh...
--
And aiyo, wanna plan one outing also needa avoid a WWIII, what has this world (or rather, our 'world') come to become?! The same friends whom we eat sleep and bridge together in the past now cease to be able to co-exist. Zzz. Sad life.
--
Just being grumpy.
LOL.
--
Anyway. I'm at Macus' house again. Gonna wake early for Julian's birthday celebration tommorow, so might as well come here so that I can get a free ride. Not bad an idea huh. Haha. But then guess my wallet will have one more hole tomorrow. LOL.
--
I'm really starting to feel tired from guard duty and all the nonsense. Zzz. Good night!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Guard Duty
NOW!
My first one and it's so slack. LOL.
Not complaining though. Still got comp to use. Ha.
Second shift soon.
Ciao.
My first one and it's so slack. LOL.
Not complaining though. Still got comp to use. Ha.
Second shift soon.
Ciao.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Rejected!
And dejected.
Kena rejected for my scholarship application.
I really wanted to get it after awhile. But well, now that I can leave my options wide again, more to decide!
Can apply for a few more that I like MORE.
Haha. Shall look on the bright side of life. Hmph!
Kena rejected for my scholarship application.
I really wanted to get it after awhile. But well, now that I can leave my options wide again, more to decide!
Can apply for a few more that I like MORE.
Haha. Shall look on the bright side of life. Hmph!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Scare-of-my-life
My parents went to M'sia by bus. And it was raining so heavily here.
I called them more than 20 times and no one picked up.
Calls into my house was exceptionally frequent this afternoon, but I didn't picked them up, thinking they're definitely lame calls from my parents' friends.
Then I suddenly recalled all the news about bus skidding off course in Msia causing casualties. Then my mind went blank. Sis is in Jap, Bro in US. I made them overseas calls, but neither picked it up. I tried to run through all the worse case scenerios im my mind, and failed to forced it to go to the other spectrum and think about everything positive. Nothing will happen, I told myself repeatedly.
I even had the urge to call my sergeant to tell him that I wanna wait for them to return and book in only tomorrow.
Just then, the phone finally got through.
My mother was speaking at the other end.
"Hello? My phone was in the bag, couldn't hear the ring, nothing's wrong, we're on the way back, don't worry."
I don't even have the strength to be angry with her.
I just told her to come home fast.
I can't imagne what will happen if things goes the way I've visualised and tried, to no avail, to prepare for.
What a scare. But think about it, I was just being paranoid. Trying to link up all the coincidents to form what I don't want to happen. Human brain is really stupid.
I called them more than 20 times and no one picked up.
Calls into my house was exceptionally frequent this afternoon, but I didn't picked them up, thinking they're definitely lame calls from my parents' friends.
Then I suddenly recalled all the news about bus skidding off course in Msia causing casualties. Then my mind went blank. Sis is in Jap, Bro in US. I made them overseas calls, but neither picked it up. I tried to run through all the worse case scenerios im my mind, and failed to forced it to go to the other spectrum and think about everything positive. Nothing will happen, I told myself repeatedly.
I even had the urge to call my sergeant to tell him that I wanna wait for them to return and book in only tomorrow.
Just then, the phone finally got through.
My mother was speaking at the other end.
"Hello? My phone was in the bag, couldn't hear the ring, nothing's wrong, we're on the way back, don't worry."
I don't even have the strength to be angry with her.
I just told her to come home fast.
I can't imagne what will happen if things goes the way I've visualised and tried, to no avail, to prepare for.
What a scare. But think about it, I was just being paranoid. Trying to link up all the coincidents to form what I don't want to happen. Human brain is really stupid.
Emo Blog!
Okok. 9813591059735896235079135 people have told me that my blog's damn emo and getting more and more abstract to be understood.
NO MORE alright!
But wait. Zzz. Booking in soon... -.-
HAHA
NO MORE alright!
But wait. Zzz. Booking in soon... -.-
HAHA
The End
"It begins at the end;
But all endings are also beginnings,
We just don't know it at the time"
--
How good will it be, if someone knew when it'll end,
and records what you did just before it.
Even the trival ones will be memorable,
for they mark an end to something; anything.
--
"Every life has one true-love snapshot"
I had a similar one that I remembered.
Sunny, crowded, in the evening; and we were both shy.
But its not the same, mine was apparently not 'true'
It was merely a dream I refuse to wake up from, for 7 years and counting.
--
"No story sits by itself. Sometimes stories meet at corners,
and sometimes they cover one another completely,
like stones beneath a river"
Yours, you 'stone', is finally free from the river that is now dried.
No longer covered by mine.
--
"How do people choose their final words?
Do they realise their gravity?
Are they fated to be wise?"
What will I be saying?
I won't know, but definitely not what's happening now and in the past.
They're all too trival and distant to be remembered by then.
IT'll be something about my future;
future friends, future family.
So why be so bothered about things going on now
when it won't be the things deemed important when time is limited and precious and reaching an end?
Maybe, it's because I'm still concerned about other people's final word, where I still wanna be mentioned, be remembered, be deemed important.
Maybe, because I'm still living in the present. You never know, I may be saying my final words now.
The End.
--
The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
But all endings are also beginnings,
We just don't know it at the time"
--
How good will it be, if someone knew when it'll end,
and records what you did just before it.
Even the trival ones will be memorable,
for they mark an end to something; anything.
--
"Every life has one true-love snapshot"
I had a similar one that I remembered.
Sunny, crowded, in the evening; and we were both shy.
But its not the same, mine was apparently not 'true'
It was merely a dream I refuse to wake up from, for 7 years and counting.
--
"No story sits by itself. Sometimes stories meet at corners,
and sometimes they cover one another completely,
like stones beneath a river"
Yours, you 'stone', is finally free from the river that is now dried.
No longer covered by mine.
--
"How do people choose their final words?
Do they realise their gravity?
Are they fated to be wise?"
What will I be saying?
I won't know, but definitely not what's happening now and in the past.
They're all too trival and distant to be remembered by then.
IT'll be something about my future;
future friends, future family.
So why be so bothered about things going on now
when it won't be the things deemed important when time is limited and precious and reaching an end?
Maybe, it's because I'm still concerned about other people's final word, where I still wanna be mentioned, be remembered, be deemed important.
Maybe, because I'm still living in the present. You never know, I may be saying my final words now.
The End.
--
The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Friends, can't we?
I can't stand it. Let's just be friends.
Not like we'll contact each other often, or maybe we won't even at all.
But I just hate the idea of having you as an enemy, or worse, us being strangers.
Let's stop being hostile.
Not like we'll contact each other often, or maybe we won't even at all.
But I just hate the idea of having you as an enemy, or worse, us being strangers.
Let's stop being hostile.
I'm sorry, Goodbye
I had the urge to replace my photo with the one with your name on my hand.
That photo is so beautiful, so meaningful.
But it no longer belongs to me.
It belongs to our memories.
I was reading the msn chats that we had last time,
they were sweet and they were sad.
I realise I haven't been mature;
everytime we part, it breaks my heart.
But I've never been serious with the break ups.
I've always thought you'll return to me one day.
But that's just another excuse for my stubborness to move on.
Another thing that I realise:
I've never know you, but you understands me thoroughly.
Guess I'm just an idiot who's blind to many things happening around.
--
Now that I've finally understand what went wrong, which definitely have got nothing to do with you, I guess I should move on. That's the least I can do to redeem all my wrongdoings.
I'm sorry, goodbye.
That photo is so beautiful, so meaningful.
But it no longer belongs to me.
It belongs to our memories.
I was reading the msn chats that we had last time,
they were sweet and they were sad.
I realise I haven't been mature;
everytime we part, it breaks my heart.
But I've never been serious with the break ups.
I've always thought you'll return to me one day.
But that's just another excuse for my stubborness to move on.
Another thing that I realise:
I've never know you, but you understands me thoroughly.
Guess I'm just an idiot who's blind to many things happening around.
--
Now that I've finally understand what went wrong, which definitely have got nothing to do with you, I guess I should move on. That's the least I can do to redeem all my wrongdoings.
I'm sorry, goodbye.
Missing you everynight
What we fear most is to fear.
What we are afraid most is to be afraid.
What we love most is to be loved.
But what I miss most, is not the time spent missing you.
I've gotta overcome this fear and get over your love.
I wanna stop missing you, everynight.
What we are afraid most is to be afraid.
What we love most is to be loved.
But what I miss most, is not the time spent missing you.
I've gotta overcome this fear and get over your love.
I wanna stop missing you, everynight.
Foolish
Moments of folly can cost you many things.
But it'll give you more.
Responsibility, regrets, guilt; but more importantly, a lesson.
But it'll give you more.
Responsibility, regrets, guilt; but more importantly, a lesson.
Deserving
I plunged deep into a hole I couldn't see,
and shed tears I shouldn't have,
for a love I didn't deserve.
and shed tears I shouldn't have,
for a love I didn't deserve.
Be loved
Our course commander was sharing some photos and experience of his operations in Afganistan with us last week. Cruelty is reality. So many innocent life is lost or distorted due to stupid complications. War, a very distincted result of man's irrationality.
To be able to live is really a blessing. To be able to love and be loved is even more lucky of us. If there's anything that happens by chance, I think it's where we are born in. And luck really plays a big part. So stop complaining, lowly human who are never satisfied, the fact that you are still breathing and kicking is already too much a gift from whoever have the power to give it to us.
--
I don't know why I've got this revelation, but I'm feeling desperate.
Desperate to have one more person on this world to love and love me.
I know I've already got a lot of these people around, but I'm not satisfied.
I'm a lowly human too.
I know it and I still want it.
I just wanna have that someone out there that belongs to me.
It seems as though anyone that appear out of no where into my life now will be sufficient to fill the role. Love at first sight; not like its impossible, I've tried it before. Though I know it's never easy...
I just want to love, and be loved. Again.
To be able to live is really a blessing. To be able to love and be loved is even more lucky of us. If there's anything that happens by chance, I think it's where we are born in. And luck really plays a big part. So stop complaining, lowly human who are never satisfied, the fact that you are still breathing and kicking is already too much a gift from whoever have the power to give it to us.
--
I don't know why I've got this revelation, but I'm feeling desperate.
Desperate to have one more person on this world to love and love me.
I know I've already got a lot of these people around, but I'm not satisfied.
I'm a lowly human too.
I know it and I still want it.
I just wanna have that someone out there that belongs to me.
It seems as though anyone that appear out of no where into my life now will be sufficient to fill the role. Love at first sight; not like its impossible, I've tried it before. Though I know it's never easy...
I just want to love, and be loved. Again.
Gardener
Weekends have been rather eventful for the past few weeks (if you consider the routine dinner with friends and occasional mahjong session as 'events', that is)
But life seems to be rather stagnant. I'm not moving forward.
Not that I'm escaping from reality. Not that there's a hugh obstacle in front of me, blocking my path. But I just don't seem to be able to move on.
I'm not enjoying it.
But anyway. today was rather tiring.
Went back to VJ for training followed by lunch with the girls team.
Going back to VJ always give me a sense of home.
But this home is now so decorated, so different.
Ha. Then was movie with some of the guys. Ip Man's much better than Iron Man I'll say. Then was dinner and chill out at our usual location.
Not exactly happening, but good enough to keep me occupied and satisfied. At least I didn't 'waste' this weekend (not like I did for the others. LOL).
LOL. I realise this is damn random.
Ok, going off to meet Rex! Ciao.
But life seems to be rather stagnant. I'm not moving forward.
Not that I'm escaping from reality. Not that there's a hugh obstacle in front of me, blocking my path. But I just don't seem to be able to move on.
I'm not enjoying it.
But anyway. today was rather tiring.
Went back to VJ for training followed by lunch with the girls team.
Going back to VJ always give me a sense of home.
But this home is now so decorated, so different.
Ha. Then was movie with some of the guys. Ip Man's much better than Iron Man I'll say. Then was dinner and chill out at our usual location.
Not exactly happening, but good enough to keep me occupied and satisfied. At least I didn't 'waste' this weekend (not like I did for the others. LOL).
LOL. I realise this is damn random.
Ok, going off to meet Rex! Ciao.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Just too good
Yeah!
No I(diot)PPT for me!
I'm a happy man. LOL
Sorry for friends who are sleeping in PRC now! Hehe..
No I(diot)PPT for me!
I'm a happy man. LOL
Sorry for friends who are sleeping in PRC now! Hehe..
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Idiot Physical Proficiency Test!
WHY!!!
Others get Silver than no more IPPT!
WHY!!!
Must we still go back this Saturday!!!
--
Don't tell me just too bad. Zzz
Others get Silver than no more IPPT!
WHY!!!
Must we still go back this Saturday!!!
--
Don't tell me just too bad. Zzz
Memories we dread
We dwell on memories because they never change when people do.
But how often do we regret certain memories that we have,
so many of which we wish we can might as well forget.
But how often do we regret certain memories that we have,
so many of which we wish we can might as well forget.
Nights out!
Woohoo!
It's the first time we're having this kind of privilege! Haha. But it's just so short, never enough!!! But well, better than nothing.
It'll be wonderful if we get to book out on Friday though; not that I'm complaining, but the thought of one more night, one more Saturday book-out and one more IPPT is not pleasant at all!!!. URGH! Haiz. Guess that's life for CDOs. More 6-day weeks to come when we get back to battalion... Zzz.
Haha. Acutally, also nothing much to look forward to in the civilian world (except my family and brothers).
Anyway, for the $800/mth, I WILL SURVIVE! HAHA. sounds so cheapskate.
Alright world, ciao!
It's the first time we're having this kind of privilege! Haha. But it's just so short, never enough!!! But well, better than nothing.
It'll be wonderful if we get to book out on Friday though; not that I'm complaining, but the thought of one more night, one more Saturday book-out and one more IPPT is not pleasant at all!!!. URGH! Haiz. Guess that's life for CDOs. More 6-day weeks to come when we get back to battalion... Zzz.
Haha. Acutally, also nothing much to look forward to in the civilian world (except my family and brothers).
Anyway, for the $800/mth, I WILL SURVIVE! HAHA. sounds so cheapskate.
Alright world, ciao!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
True Romance
True
Romance
Always
Characterise
You
Just
Another
Stupid
Orthodox
Notion
The former haven't been the case, but I hope one day it'll come true.
=]
Romance
Always
Characterise
You
Just
Another
Stupid
Orthodox
Notion
The former haven't been the case, but I hope one day it'll come true.
=]
Ours
Your wallet, your perfume, your vodka, your bag, your cake, your cap, your wrist band, your bookmark, your phone deco, Your umbrella.
Your memories, your smiles, your laughs, your tears, your dreams...
They're all still with, on and in me.
But what's most important is gone.
Where's my album, my photos, my cards, my flowers, my bear, my necklace, my earings;
and my place in your heart.
Our memories, our love, our promises, our time together.
They'll forever be buried, forever be gone.
Our time has passed, what's left is the ash of our happy, sad and incredible moments.
What's gonna happen next is never known, and it wouldn't matter anyway.
You'll lead your way, and I'll lead mine.
Where it'll lead us to we won't know.
But I know, it'll definitely be better than what we've been through. Definitely.
Right?...
Your memories, your smiles, your laughs, your tears, your dreams...
They're all still with, on and in me.
But what's most important is gone.
Where's my album, my photos, my cards, my flowers, my bear, my necklace, my earings;
and my place in your heart.
Our memories, our love, our promises, our time together.
They'll forever be buried, forever be gone.
Our time has passed, what's left is the ash of our happy, sad and incredible moments.
What's gonna happen next is never known, and it wouldn't matter anyway.
You'll lead your way, and I'll lead mine.
Where it'll lead us to we won't know.
But I know, it'll definitely be better than what we've been through. Definitely.
Right?...
Friday, May 7, 2010
More than words can say
So many things I've failed to say.
But there's even more that I don't want to.
Maybe I'll start regretting some day.
But there's even more that I don't want to.
Maybe I'll start regretting some day.
Lucky Joe
I'm just an average Joe, no matter which perspective you look from
I'm just a little luckier. That's all. I guess.
I'm just a little luckier. That's all. I guess.
Soul searching
I don't know if what she has did is right. But even if I know and it's not, I'm last in the line to tell her just that.
I'm in no position to even comment on what she's doing.
And all I can do now is to hope that she's making a right decision and she'll be happier, more loved.
It's almost entirely certain that that'll be the case; but what if it's not? Even if I want to warn her about it, I can't.
Not even as a friend.
I've known her so well, I should have been the one making the decision for her like the so many times I've did before; like what I did on all the previous break ups. Let me make the decision, for you, for me; for us.
But maybe I haven't, for the so many times I've made a decision, it's a wrong one.
And for she eventually left without my opinion.
Maybe she's just as I've said, not careful when making decisions, and that's why we've ended up like this.
Blaming her is the last thing I'd do, but maybe at that point of time, 7 years back, when that very decision was made, it had proved to be a mistake; or rather, it proved mistakes.
Or maybe at that point of time, few weeks ago, that decision was then a wrong one. But of course I'll think the former holds more relevance, like what she would believe as well. But what if one day we realize the latter is true, like what we've done for the past few times?
Will we still try to pursue the apparent happiness that we once thought were so tangible, or will we finally have the strength to become sober and mark an end to it?
Search me, even my soul have no answer to it.
I'm in no position to even comment on what she's doing.
And all I can do now is to hope that she's making a right decision and she'll be happier, more loved.
It's almost entirely certain that that'll be the case; but what if it's not? Even if I want to warn her about it, I can't.
Not even as a friend.
I've known her so well, I should have been the one making the decision for her like the so many times I've did before; like what I did on all the previous break ups. Let me make the decision, for you, for me; for us.
But maybe I haven't, for the so many times I've made a decision, it's a wrong one.
And for she eventually left without my opinion.
Maybe she's just as I've said, not careful when making decisions, and that's why we've ended up like this.
Blaming her is the last thing I'd do, but maybe at that point of time, 7 years back, when that very decision was made, it had proved to be a mistake; or rather, it proved mistakes.
Or maybe at that point of time, few weeks ago, that decision was then a wrong one. But of course I'll think the former holds more relevance, like what she would believe as well. But what if one day we realize the latter is true, like what we've done for the past few times?
Will we still try to pursue the apparent happiness that we once thought were so tangible, or will we finally have the strength to become sober and mark an end to it?
Search me, even my soul have no answer to it.
Just different
If you ask if I love her more than any others, my answer will still be a yes.
But if you ask if I enjoy loving her, I guess it'll be a no.
Responsibility is a great, and long, word; and freedom is much heavier than the term 'free' makes it sounds.
After so many years if being together, I realize we can never compare friends with the person we really love, just like family can never be displaced of its place in my heart by anything else. They're all on different scales and comes in different forms.
You're unique, just like everyone else, just a little bit more special when placed in my heart.
But if you ask if I enjoy loving her, I guess it'll be a no.
Responsibility is a great, and long, word; and freedom is much heavier than the term 'free' makes it sounds.
After so many years if being together, I realize we can never compare friends with the person we really love, just like family can never be displaced of its place in my heart by anything else. They're all on different scales and comes in different forms.
You're unique, just like everyone else, just a little bit more special when placed in my heart.
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