Six

is my birth month!

is my jersey number!

--

more days to the release of A level results!

more distinctions to get!

more weeks to POP!

more chin-ups to gold!

more months to your birthday!

more years to graduation!

more decades to be with you!!!

--

is the number of years since we first started!

is the number of days where our only status is 'friend'!

is the number of seconds it lasted when we first held hands!!!

Failure.

I failed my IPPT once again.

But I know I'm no failure.

Though I won't deny that I'm a loser.

Fancy begging for people to lie for my sake.

Running away from reality; hoping for rewards without putting in due hard work.

WTF was I thinking?!

--

I've improved. But it's not enough.

I still have my IPPT and swimming test to clear.

I still need the strength to pull myself up, 12 times.

I still need the endurance to ride through the tide, 50 meters.

I still need the determination to complete my journey, 1 minute faster.

I still need more improvement, more work, more sweat, and more tears.

--

I still need you.

Ya! So what if it hurts me.

I'm back to where I wanna be. That's definitely more important.

I just don't know how long things will last.

But it's okay. At least I have it now.

I wanna hold on tight; tighter; and the tightest I can get,

this time round, let it be the last.

Tell me, remind me, scold me.

I've got to learn to treasure the precious.

Military.

Realize I haven touch on my army life.

Though it was just 8days, everyday seems to pass by rather slowly.

Maybe it's because I'm so not use to not having all the freedom I enjoy.

Maybe it's because I have to wake at the time I usually sleep.

Maybe it's because I can no longer do things I wanna do.

Maybe it's because I cannot meet the people I always do.

But on the brighter side,

I can be a stronger man, emotionally; physically; and mentally.

I've met new friends.

I have been exposed to a very disciplined life and have to strictly abide to its structures.

I see a deeper side of myself;

I see the people that makes up large portions of my life, and my mind.

I learn to think positive.

--

But then again, how to be cheerful when you fail your IPPT!!!

and swimming proficiency test. -.-

That equates to many remedial trainings and extra swimming lessons.

That also mean that I have less time being civilian and lead my real life!

--

Well, never mind. I'll survive, I have to!!!

--

Booking in in 4 hours' time. ...

A twist in my story.

Once again. We're back on the same track.

Not so similar though, it's healthier, hopefully.

All the expectations and desire,

I don't know if they'll surface again,

but I do know we have to cope well with them to continue.

Perhaps this is really the kind of intermediate stage that we've been looking for.

Let's all just hope things work out fine.

Happiness; checked.

Altogether.

Happy Chinese New Year.
Happy Valentine.

and

Happy Anniversary, that exist no more.

--

Jason Tey misses the glass and the bottles

and the friends and the brothers.

He wants back the feeling of being free

and the time with his family.

And now he'll never have her company

feeling silly, guilty and lonely.

--

I know some things can never be rewind

I'll just move forward,

because so many things and people are pushing me from behind.

Mature.

I wish I am as mature as I want myself to be.

I wanna be discipline.

But I can't.

I never imagine myself to be such a failure.

Failing to forget you.

Once again.

How weak I really was, in truth, was never reflected by my physical self.

I realize I'm a loser.

I succumbed to that deep mystery hole in me.

--

I still love you. I miss you...

--

How much I've wanted to lose you for two better futures,

turned out to be one foolish act of folly.

Why do I fucking always make the same wrong decision?!?!

Why do I fucking not learn from mistakes.

Why am I the fucking me.

--

Why can't I forget you,

forget the fucking me of the past.

.

I was so afraid to lose you my dear.

yet I throw you away, so easily.

--

I'll try. I have to.

I guess there wasn't another option.

No other way out.

...

I fucking miss you.
I fucking still love you...

The New Chapter.

I used to doubt myself, but I have no time for that now.

I used to go the extra miles to assure myself, but I have no energy for that now.

I used to question the answers I provide, but I have no alternatives now.

I want to do it. I have to do it.

For now, there's nothing to stress and worry.

Henceforth, everything is for honour and glory.

I'll see you again, my world.

Goodbye, for now.

I just wanna move on.

Whatever fragments and bits I have left of myself,

I'll leave them behind.

Rapid.

Warning: This is a damn bloody boring post; please do skip unless you're DAMN bored.

...

Life's picking up pretty fast for the past few days.

Saturday was working half-day then mahjong-ing w Jul Lyd PY plus Mac as an extra.
After that went on to meet Alex whom had no one to go out with on his book-out day.
Then together with Rex and Andy; it's Dai-dee session till morning with breakfast as the closure.

Caught some sleep (4 pathetic hours) before heading for Tim Sum with family at Paramount Hotel. Went home after visiting 2nd Aunt and headed straight down to meet Rex for some shopping for army stuff. Both decided that sleep is the best activity and so we headed home. Caught an additional 2 hours of sleep before meeting Andy for supper and H2H talk till 2a.m.

After catching some much needed sleep came mahjong again; this time w the usual Lyd plus the rare WX and Grace. Once again, Mac the Extra, who claimed to quit mahjong ( -.- ) , came over. LOL. (jk mac, if you're seeing this). Decided to continue with a third round after dinner that caused my schedule to overlap. And so Kang and Yi reached whilst the game's still going on. After the 'legs' went off, we went down for beer since my vodka's running low on supply. Yong joined us soon enough to get drunk, almost, together with Yi. Wine and Dine. And the few drunkard decided to play some Daidee and take photos after going home. Hilarious.

So it all ended off at 4.30 and I'm supposed to reach Orchard at 10.30 the next day. Good guess if you think I went late; I was waiting for cab at Hougang at 10.30. LOL. And so I met CB and went down to Orchard where we were told that everyone's there already. But it so happened that 'everyone' = WX + HW. Wonder how they fail to see that the sum don't tally. -.- . Anyway. We decided to Bridge while waiting; Mac was the first to arrive and then we started ahead. Julian, Gary, YC and WL came after half an hour and then the vj basketball gathering officially begins, with me more-than-half-full. Went back to school after that, saw Leo and Kelvin which definitely reminds me a lot of the event-of-my-life in 3 day's time. Zzz. Anyway, left our bags in the slumps but got chased away by the sun and crowd; we turned to parkway area for pool. After that went back to training for friendly.

Left early to meet the Sexy and the Cute 7 (SC7), which turned out that the sexiest couldn't make it. (Urgh). Watch the rest eat at Melly's restaurant which looked pretty good. Walked over to Douby after their meal while waiting for melly. Went to TCC for a drink and photos and then off we go. Kris called me while I was out but my battery just died on me. Called Andy while I was at Hougang interchange to meet him and he so happened to be nearby running. Went home together with Andy to charge my phone and use the net. Called Rex and got a piece of good news: He's giving me his camera-less phone!!! HA! Save some money. Anyway. Went supper with Andy before returning home. Poof! Here I am!

Tomorrow's supposed to be breakfast w GJ, Yang and CB; but tmr's the last civilian day for GJ and he's decided to reserve it for 'family', so it was cancelled. Guess it'll be my packing-of-room day then. Night time will be meeting up Night Creatures for dinner with Andy still not being able to confirm his availability and Alvin and Darren's timing conflicting. Urgh. Hope it won't turn out to be an event-less day; since JY Yiming Samband and Shunji also cannot confirm if they're coming over to chill at night.

Thurday morning's reserved for Shir to go breakfast which is going to be fun, exciting, interesting and happening! Zzz. Just that we haven't decide on the location. -.- . Afternoon will be for me to pack my bag and wait for death since I'll definitely not have enough time at night, with Kris's suggestion of Dinner, Pool plus kBox (and even rock climbing. -.- ) at Cine at night. It's probably supposed to last through the night I guess, but I doubt anyone can make it with work the next day.
As for me, it's THE day.

See, life's so pack and moving on so rapidly; everyday's so 'haps'

I don't know if it's a good thing or not.

But I do know that Army's just a pretense, a bluff; an excuse.

I'm definitely not filling my days with friends just because of the anticipation of a loss of freedom.

But rather, just to drown the sorrows of the sudden realization of the freedom I long desired.

--

There was a day reserved for you; I tried to keep it free, to remember.
There was a place in my heart reserved for you, I tried to empty it, to forget.
But I think I've failed, for both.

--

I really need time, and hope what they say is true, and hope, it heals.