2010 .

I don't know how I'll be ending my 2010.
And I don't want to think that it's ending.

It's been a year full of ups and downs,
and also a year full of tears and joy,

just like every other year.

Enlistment was a very big turning point for me; someone who enjoys freedom more than anything else. I was confiscated of my time (and arguably, youth) and restrained from seeing my family and friends. I was immature, partly because I realize I can't do without them. Not so much physically as in daily routines, but also the daily routines of having them by my side, emotionally. I used to think that I'm independent but apparently I wasn't. And even till now, I'm not confident of saying that.
People has been asking me to take on the better path of studying overseas which will guarantee greater life experience. But I have not the courage to even think of trying to be away from all those I'm so emotionally attached to here in Singapore. I'm not ready for it. Totally unprepared. I've come to my own consensus that this is where I belong, and will belong. Nothing's gonna change that fact, unless something drastic happens. And this decision of mine also spark another thought, seriously, and that is to sign on and protect this place I really hate to leave. This revelation became obvious after going through NS and hearing so many comments/lectures/talks that made me realize how vulnerable Singapore really is; and perhaps one day, we really need to migrate is we fail to protect and treasure what peace we have now. But I eventually drop that thought because I've come to realize that the freedom-loving and ambitious me is not cut out to be so involved in the military defense. Protecting our soil don't necessarily have to be physical, I can contribute through alternative options. But being in the Army, especially so in the Commandos teach me more than the need to protect our land; in the personal aspects, I've definitely become more sly, cunning and scheming. Every man for himself. This is the most important lesson I've learnt in my Army life so far. Society is not as kind as I once thought, even though I may have been exposed to it way before I was enlisted, the kind of world where they treat you as a youth is different as when you are treated as a soldier, a man, a grown-up. You have to strive for your own excellence, and you have to prove your worth, earn your own mark, and at the same time create healthy inter-personal relationships. It's definitely a challenge being a gemini; having to have dual-personality, two-face and even act with a two-edged sword (literally). All the cliches that people always say about being an NSF of becoming more mature, learning to be independent, managing more self-discipline, etc etc. are true only to a certain extent. NS teaches you to cope with the real world. Losers pay; that the sad, cruel truth about the present society. Perhaps this is one very strong point for people embracing Communism, where every one shares the fruit of every other people's labour and winners don't necessarily takes home everything. But this is one good incentive for people to strive, and the motivation to improve is definitely one good learning point for everyone that understands or not economics. Communism fails to incorporate the humane factor, and that's why it's been proven a failure. Not to drift away from my point and dwell on the economics argument, but life is about econs, and NS gives us a taste of it, a fair share. I would overall give a thumbs up to this experience of mine. It's time consuming, but definitely not time-wasting. And I look forward to more lessons to be learnt in the one year or so left in my NS life. Treasure it, if you're grumbling.

Although the conscription results in lesser time spent with friends, I've compensated it by having one less time-consuming item - girlfriend. Now that I'm free to give my weekends to my family and friends and to spent my money all on myself, I'm definitely enjoying life more towards the fullest. Although money issue is still a burning problem, it's very much relaxed now that I'm having regular income. I've lost quite some friends that I used to be closed to, and I've realized that more are drifting away; but I've gained a more substantial amount of new friends, and regained even more once-good-friends to become best-friends-forever. I don't have to spend time building on a relationship which both parties know won't last and instead invest it on lifetime reward of friends. This is definitely a smart investment. Portfolios, they call it; and I'm managing it well, or so I guess. But there isn't no opportunity cost to it. I sometimes regret going out with friends when my parents are at home because that means I'm losing precious moments to be with them. They may not be leaving me any time soon, but their presence in my life is so important to me that I don't want to think of their absence, and I don't want to have the kind of regrets when they eventually do that I did not show them my appreciation when I could. I'm trying very hard to juggle everything I have in my life that's important to me, and it's proving to be a challenge. I found a need to prioritize, but at the same time found an incapability to adhere to it. I'm not coping well even though I thought this is not too bad. I'm trying to sieve out what's not important to make way for things more urgent but also realize that it's not possible. Everything I have now are not indulgences, but necessities. I'm saturated. And I'm glad I've made the correct choice of giving up certain things I once hold so tightly on; though it still need time to prove if the decision is correct. I am generally happy with my life now, but things will definitely change, and I sincerely hope they change for the better. I'm anxious.

I realize in this happening year, also, that regrets are unavoidable. We just meet them along our way, and there's not way we could have altered anything, because time never turns back.

Below is a special portion dedicated to, of course, someone special (though perhaps emotionally it's no longer so now). This person will, however, be special to me, always, because she's made up a large chunk of my life - 7 years from the start till we finally ended, sadly, unhappily.

Breaking up and patching up with her.
It happens every other time, and we've done that so many times it's uncountable.
Every time we end it, it seems like we've finally learnt from our mistakes, and we were both sure that it'll be definite.
But every time, we fail to learn, and we make the same folly act of patching together all over again.
I use to think that it'll be a never-ending cycle.
But that was the naive me. I took her for granted.
Every time we parted, I assumed that she'll return.
And every time she did so, I just treated her worst.
This year, finally, it's definite.
Definitely so.
It was well-deserving that I've lost her for good.
I'm really not fit to be that important to her.
and she definitely deserves more than what I can offer.
We weren't meant to be together.
We're better off strangers.

I've deliberately ended this with something more emotional because I hope all these past will always be left as a form of memories, preferably sub-conscious ones; and the unhappiness will ultimately have an end to it. It's nothing sad now that I've come to face reality and I'll definitely move forward and move on; but this will always be an imperfection in my life. This is one big mistake, and a greater regret is how it all ended and how things eventually turned out. I want to remain as friends, drawing lines but at least able to say hi; but seems like it's not that possible with how everything broke down towards the end. If only everything can be rewind; what's said be retrieved, what's done be undone, maybe things would have turned for the better; maybe the ending will be less harmful. Maybe we can at least still be friends.

But well, so long my special stranger.

So long, 2010.

So long, the 2010 Jason.

Seriously, PLEASE DON'T ACTIVATE ME TONIGHT!!!

It's gonna be wild.

The NEW Subaru challenge.

Last week of 2010 was a high.

Sunday night book in just to get Jerry-Can turn out and helmet party ("I'm only asking for your hands to be on the helmet!").
Lasted for 2 hours before transiting to Area cleaning. Sergeants, respect.

Monday was hectic with Mathew Ang going MIA with an Attend C status. ATEC is a ... (fill in the blank). It simply makes you busy, busy and BUSY. Shag. But luckily I'll skip the Coy Medic portion, with a trade off of having to assault (means outfield...).
Not that bad actually, at least there isn't any test to worry about (and with it, Extras and Weekends). Pity the static station personnel.

Off-clearing was made impossible with my participation in the Assault Det training (which was a snappy affair, but more to come; we shall see whether it's worthwhile), unlike Mr. OC-runner who happily went for his off (Zzz). Tuesday's nights out was stupid having to rush back home and cut hair in 3 hours just to book in and realize Mr. CSM didn't. Then there's IPPT which I gladly skipped (considering the condition I'm in, it'll be time-wasting to participate); but IPPT trainings that follow the subsequent two days were rewarding. At least now I know that my run-time is slowly recovering. Confidence boosting I'll say. =]=]

Then there's COA visit. Neutral feelings, except that he hinted a Turn out today (NY's eve!!!!!!!), or rather, tonight (NY day!!!!). -.- We shall see whether it comes true. It'll be the most eventful NY's day if it does, and definitely the BEST way to start off the new year. Even though we're all very much prepared (mentally and physically) for it, we're definitely not emotionally.

Booking out late for being a non-gold medalist is saddening, but it's realistically well-deserved. The Stay-Back-on-Saturdays threat is definitely motivating. Therefore my very first new year resolution will be:

9.14 for 2011 to save my SATURDAYS!!!! =]

Tough week ahead.

Still can't get use to this feeling of booking in.

Plus my headache is killing me!

I pluck up all the courage I have

to send you a message.

And you didn't reply, as expected.

But at least I know,

I'm at a greater wrong.

And I'm questioning myself now,

how much I've really loved you in the past?

It's all so long ago;
so long, the question is redundant.

And perhaps,

what we are now, is at its best.

Strangers.

But perhaps,

us being together is the very first wrong.

But seriously,

I never thought what will be of us now if everything that was wrong didn't happened, particularly that.

11th Jan 2009

If I could turn back time, that is where I'll wanna go.

I'll change everything that happened that day;
because that was our turning point.

What did you just realize that happened 10 months ago?

I wanna know...

I'm too tired to even leave my house.

so I decided to give up on the class gathering.

(But maybe it's because I don't have much cash left..... ha)

I don't usually remember my dreams...

Especially after having so much alcohol.

Last night's must have impacted me quite a bit.

Stranger,

I dreamed of talking to you last night, peacefully, confessing everything I've wanted to say.


Will there ever be such a chance?...

and did I tell you that there's now another 82 more new extras?!

That makes it near 200 in total for the company.
Including one for me! -.-

I bet there's gonna be lots of att C this Monday.

And I can foresee the rage in my CSM. Hmmm...

I really need to sleep.

I foresee a shag week ahead. -.-

And this month managed to break the July record.

(Totally random)

I CANT DO THE "MY YEAR IN STATUS" THING!

I don't know why.

But I guess I'll do one "My year in titles" from my blog.
=]=]

That night.

It keeps appearing in my head.
Especially so upon seeing you after so long a time.

I'm sorry. It's unforgettable.

Party cycle.

Why do all the happening events always happen altogether on the same week; that cost me much sleep deprivation.
And on alternate weeks, there's always home-alone time for me to kill and no activity for me to survive on?!?!

Kang, I know what you're thinking. It's definitely not because of you! ha.

This is definitely what I want.

After hearing from bro's friend about his econs degree experience, I'm determined to major in it. That'll be my home fac. =]

"You are young, you should go out and see the world!"

But my parents aren't.

4 years of my life is not much.
But they don't have much 4-years for me to waste.

I wanna cherish every possible seconds.

Ticking away.

My greatest year is fast drifting away with the ticking of the clock.

Was this year better than the last?

Perhaps.

Is this really what I want?

Sometimes, I really wonder.

What am I doing?

MERRY X'MAS! 2010

Every X'mas has something new; but the challenge is always there.

Once, I was at Orchard road squeezing with the whole world.
Once, I had steamboat with a whole world of friends.
Once, I spent it with her, when she meant the world to me.

This time round, I failed to even countdown.
I was in my own world.


--

It was a really challenging week

At least so for the rest of the company.

Outfield, outfield and outfield.

ATEC, ATEC and ATEC.


shag shag shag...

HARD week

Life is like a penis; it's short, but long when it gets hard.



-- CPT RICHARD LIN on FB

Pizza hut!

Delivered to home, and it's FREE! haha.

Kudos to bro. XD

Economics and Business Administrative

at NUS; Double Degree.

That was my dream course.

"Was", because I can no longer find it on the university's website under the section Courses Offered.
Even though Daphne told me that it still exists, there's now great doubt in me.
My feeling last night when I found out about this can only be described in one word: Devastated.

I really hope they still offer it for direct admission, and I hope even more that I can get in.
Most importantly I wanna do well in it.

I'm not dreaming. This time, I'm serious.

QE2

(The Straits Times; Review. Tuesday, November 23 2010. By Linda Lim:
Review Brief: On Quantitative Easing; Printing money to push spending)

What is the Fed and what does it do?
- central bank of US
- Responsible for money supply, monetary policy and financial system supervision

Why some Americans including the Tea Party activist oppose Fed?
- suspicious of Fed's independence from elected representatives; i.e. influenced by banks and other financial institutions

What is QE2 and why the Fed undertake it?
- "Quantitative Easing" (second package)
- involves phased purchase of an additional US$600bil of treasury bonds, with newly printed US dollars
- to boost purchasing power in the economy to stimulate C and I thus creating jobs
- recession cleared via monetary and fiscal policies, but unemployment remained high wile inflation lower than desired
- FP impossible due to fiscal debts therefore only further monetary stimulus left as an option to reduce unemployment.
- interest rates being near zero, increasing money supply (ex nihilo) to buy back government bonds is the one remaining policy tool. That means putting money into people's pocket to induce spending (positive wealth effect) will stimulate more spending, creating employment

So why oppose QE2?
- since monetary and fiscal policies have both failed in reducing unN, more will be similarly ineffective
- increasing money supply may raise inflation more than fed expects
- "cheap money" (comes easily and caused the crisis in the first place; think of the bubble to start off with)
may induce risky financial behaviour

Fed's reply
- will reverse bond buying if inflation picks up
- post crisis reforms has reduced market risk, as per previous stimulus

Why other countries object to QE2?

Germany:
- QE2 will weaken US$ because of an increase in supply and "dollar carry trade" (borrowing in depreciating low-interest dollars to invest in stronger or higher-interest currencies) will revive it.
- weak US$ will make it difficult for German to grow by exporting to the US or compete with US products in other countries
- post crisis Germany chose fiscal austerity, limits its domestic demand growth.
- other European countries also practicing fiscal auterity, meaning Germany cannot export to them.

Brazil:
- low i/r, depreciating dollar and weak growth makes investing in US unattractive.
- savers among other advanced countries are choosing to invest instead in fast growing emerging markets, like Brazil
- this flood in capital leads to appreciation of their currencies against the dollar, reducing export competitiveness
- also cause inflationary bubbles in stock, bonds and real estate which might deflate and cause capital exit

China:
- Yuan fixed to Dollars i.e. weak dollar leads to weakening of Yuan
- therefore China's export competitiveness may in fact improve against countries whose currencies floats and gain strength against dollars (yuan)
- China will need to prevent the excess dollar it earns from its persistent CA surplus from being converted into yuan and spend inside the economy to prevent inflation so as to maintain its exchange rates against the dollars
- does this by increasing dollar reserve by buying US treasuries that earn low interest return and are denominated into currency which will eventually depreciate against the yuan. Or issue bonds to "mop up" surplus dollars which are converted into yuan
- However, China still facing inflation and this poses threat to both export competitiveness and social stability
- therefore has tightened monetary policies by raising interest rates and increasing bank reserve requirements and impose restriction on property purchase, considering price controls on staples and earned that GDP grow must slow.
- China objects to QE2 because the resultant dollar depreciation will make the incremental Yuan appreciation it had planned less effective thus requiring faster and potentially more disruptive appreciation
- also, dollar depreciation will also reduce the value of China's massive accumulation of dollar denominated assets.

NYT online Lesson Plan

It can be sent via e-mail.
And it is really thought-triggering.
Does not spoon-feed by providing information straight forth; requires research to obtain the answers for stipulated questions in the field current subjects.

Schools should start looking into this avenue as a source for GP materials.

Do Asian countries need their Western counterparts?

- Slightly decoupled from US during the last global financial crisis
- Greater trade within Asia is deepening and diversifying
- Asia's economic integration mirror that of EU over the past two decades.

The rest of the world still matter as both partner and competitor
Chef actor: China

Ok. I'm bored.

I've failed to survive being home on a weekend yet again. Zzz.

Maybe I'll need a girlfriend, soon. X)

post-power-pack

is a week of chill and lay-back.
Slow tempo except for the recall yesterday.

Not really used to it.
And I still feel quite wasted having spent the whole Sunday afternoon home.

Gemini

Dual personality

You mean there was a weekend?!?!

Alright. At least there wasn't much punishment in the end except that we had to report back to camp. Best of the worse.

Now our Det got problem.

Can the fu*ker who is so unbelievably selfish return the stupid ********?!?!?! Zzz

See you guys at 1930. Urgh.

Law of Commercial Diffusion

The Innovators, the Early Adapters, the Early Majority, the Late Majority, the Laggards.

Are you driven by what you believe, or what you want?

Sophisticated Mediocracy

Mediocre sophistication

Rotting thumbs.

Stop sucking!

Loneliness

comes along with excessive freedom.
But it never surface when you're independent;
when you're strong.

Somehow. I've lost the urge

to find friends out for lunch or whatever.

I just wanna be alone, or with that one or two that I feel absolutely comfortable with.

Perhaps it's because I've passed the stage of needing anesthetic.

I don't require crowd to drown my sorrows any longer.

I'm strong, once again.

Friends, in case you're wondering...

I'm doing fine, seriously, and surprisingly; at least for me, I guess. Right. I'm moving on perfectly well. Look forward.

But then again...

What if it's me?!?!

Like what Aaron say...

I'm not scared that it's me that didn't return.
But I'm afraid of sabotages; like what we are trained for.

Argh.

It's gonna be filled with rambles

I just can't help it.

It's too much to take.

Though I'm taking it pretty well...

The thought of it sucks! Big time.

Disruptive.

Conclusion for army.

Plans-spoiling is not a bad adjective for it too...

Can't imagine the regulars.

But I've got no time to pity for them;

CAUSE MY LUNCH WITH FRIENDS AND DRINKING SESSION TONIGHT HAVE BEEN CANCELLED!!!

reason: Selfishness and/or Stupidity of others...

Fall-can

Having outfield immediately after block leave is...

SEX.

Shag balls!

I can't imagine part 2. -.-

Just when I thought...

I'm not going to be involved in the 4NTM stand-by...
I think this reserve is going to be activated soon with so many people not being available.

I can book out earlier than others peacefully last night...
Today we all kena recalled back.

WTS.

Well done guys.

For losing the f***ing thing.

Reporting back to camp on a Saturday afternoon is no joke. seriously.

CSM I need you!

Without you...

I NEED TO JOIN DET 4 TO FIGHT! Zzz

(and they got lost twice in 3 missionsssss......) -.-

Brunei

I realize there's so much I've wanted to say when I was there, but I forgot once I'm back.

Last week's outfield made all the thoughts flow back into my mind once again.

Yet another survival episode...

Ended.

Memorable block leave.
But I prefer the previous one...

NS. One more year to go!

我假装过去不重要

才发现自己办不到

--

I finally see a reason why.

Power-packed

and well-balanced. Just slightly too fast-paced. That kinda sum up my past week.

Last week was a blur because it simply past too fast with the company coming back from deployment (which means a lot of admin work to settle) and towards the end, formation anniversary celebrations (which means there's nothing much to do). Friday after swim meet is meeting Calene at my house followed by movie and dinner. Saturday morning's rain ruined plans for balls. Late replies by me caused Nex outing with Shamin and Jiejing to be cancelled. And exams cost me Alvin. So I was left . Gave up and went to sleep only to receive calls from many people to ask me out. So went out with Jingwei and Chinboon to Kovan for lunch before heading to Alvin's house to 'study'. Dinner with family for brother's birthday was delayed due to long queue. It's the first time my family saw his new girlfriend though. Went down to Andy's old condo, which happened to be Marcus Teo's to collect my running shoes from Macus when the team's having their post A's celebration there. Then cab back home to meet Kangster that's waiting under my block. Did some preparation and went to sleep. Woke up early at 2am, headed down to Orchard. Good thing we reached early, lest we need to join in the queue for baggage deposits. But being too early meant we had too much time to spare. So it was kinda a bore before the start of Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2010. Managed to complete it with Kangster and Kangming at a timing of 6hr 51min (and ranking's on previous post). Good experience and not a bad timing at all, but could have been faster; time to train up Kangster! Haha. Shall see if you do in Sundown. Lol. And SC, please posit your baggage collection point nearer to the end point next time, thanks. It's too far for our convenience, especially so after we've just struggled to finish WALKING the marathon. Otherwise your finisher's tee should be "Finisher of 44.195km" in future. Okay, enough with rambling (far more was already done on the day itself). After collecting our bags is lunch with Junyang at Marina Square, before we parted ways with him (who went Esplanade for his personal R&R) to head to my house for a nap. Reached home, slept, and carried on to Kang's house to stayover. Caught Star Search 2010, which I thought was a failure, before getting some good night rest. Next morning woke up OTOT. Went downstairs for Breakfast before going Serangoon swimming complex for some recovery swim (which I didn't manage to even complete one lap...). Lunched at 214 before we head home individually. went home to wash up, slacked awhile and chitchatted with parents before reporting back to work at Hendon (which I spent two bus trip, or 3 in fact, to reach because I realize I forgot my camp pass only after boarding the bus... -.-). Went back to camp, settled quite a handful or urgent matters (but of course, work can never be finished) and left later than I expected. Rex quitted his job and so could've met me earlier. But I was really too tired to even have dinner. So I skipped it that night and headed home straight after work. (half-a-day of leave is to be recovered by the way. XD). Slept. The only true-blue rest for the week ahead. Woke up rather early on Tues and thus did some reading. Headed down to Parkway to meet Benjamin and Kangming before transiting to Teoheng for our regular singing session. Karwee joined us slightly later. Left earlier to meet Brandon, who just touched down on Monday, at Plaza Singapura to do his shopping (a belt, that's all, in the end). Had dinner with him at Pastamania. Went home early cause we were both shagged. Next day was supposed to head down to camp to finish the unfinished work, but woke up too late and decided not to. Stayed home to read up on my econs and use my comp, only to be psyco-ed by Chinboon to jio people for Clubbing on that ladies' night. So I called and called: finding out that 4th Coy's people are going Butter Fac. that night with a strength of 7 men, plus a few of those that responded to my call, the eventual namelist, from the initial Chinboon and me, to include: Me, Chinboon, Yukang, Shamin, Hongchew, Julian, Gary, Kelman, Christopher, Jian Yu, Joel, Mathew, Xavier and Samuel (I may have missed one or too, just too many pax). Before meeting up with the Clubbing group at City Hall was dinner with Nee Soon bunk-mates: Kelman, Karwee, Yixiong, Shawn and Benjamin Lim (too many Bens). Had Pasta de waraku (yes, cliche...) and TCC (for deserts/drinks). Sorry guys for a confusion and mixed-up over the meeting point by the way. Anyway, it's been long since we've last met! Ha. Ok... so after that headed down to City Hall. Waited for Xavier for F***ing long. So long that when we reached Butter (which then I realized that it's NYJC's post prom), the queue for normal entry is closed. Had 10 free entry, but we had more people than that; plus the queue was too long to wait; so we changed our plans to head down to Phuture instead. Julian and Gary ps-ed as they had stuff on next morning. So sorry bros that made you guys make a wasted trip down. That night was... wow... it's been a long time since I last clubbed, and last seen a friend so drunk. Haha. Chinboon: remember the first time going clubbing with you you still say I was damn high, what happened on Wed?!?!?! LOL. Well done ah... Ha. After that cabbed home with Kangster, Christ and Chinboon. After dropping CB off, the other two came over to stay. Christ is yet another joke. Drunk like f***. LOL. Thank god he didn't puke though. Next morning woke up damn early and had slight headache. Kang went off early to get get his stuff back from his junior while Christ slept till noon to go lunch with me. After that headed down to Nex to meet CB and Weiliang for 'lunch' which of course I skipped (after eating with Christ). A brief meeting for some catch-up; went home rather soon with Weiliang after parting with CB. Reached home, slacked, and went Alvin's house to (supposedly) celebrate him finishing his exams. Dinner at Hougang point was immediately followed by supper at Chomp Chomp. Went over to his house to stay for the night after catching two movies. Slept super early cause I was too tired. Woke up early next morning for breakfast before heading home to catch up on some sleep. Went sis's house to help her carry some stuff over to my place, before Calene came over to pick me up for Dinner together with Liang (as usual, Shaun's not free...). By the way, sorry Jeff that I couldn't let you join my activity! And Ting, your lateness cost me some honesty to my parents at last. Wonder when will the nagging come in. Paid my $300 fine on Fri too, at least a burden off my shoulder. Zzz (not exactly actually since I still owe Rex and Andy quite substantial a sum of money). Head down to Alvin's place after dinner with cousins at Borsch. Caught another movie before Kaung reach home and Rex called. So we gathered at Kaung's house, with Andy joining us slightly later, for some card games. Bakarate (if that's how you spell it), Blackjack and Texas Hold'em. Overall winnings total up to just $15. -.- haha. quite fun actually. After supper was round 2 at my place. With Andy leaving, we started off with Big 2, then Poker. Poker was f***ing exciting (though they accuse me of not concentrating on the game towards the end). Change of tens of dollars in just a min's time. Shiok. Haha. Ended around 5 and slept at 6 (where I tossed and turned until don't know what time). 7.30 my morning call came. Time for basketball at VJ. So I left Alvin and Rex to sleep at my place while I went school in Wanxin's car. Quite a lot of people went back today, so it was quite happening. Friendly match with juniors for 4 quarters but I was too tired to be much involved. After that was lunch at 18Chefs at Eastpoint@Simei after seeing doctor with Macus to get his MC. Headed home straight after that to clear my sleep debts. And so here I am now after I wake up, spending 1 good hour typing this post. Plans to dinner with the team will be abandoned for they're meeting way too late and too far. Supper with Daphne's also cancelled cos of her falling sick. And now Kangster's here ready to move out to Alex mother's place for some chillout before we head for Sentosa tomorrow morning!

Power-packed huh. =]

Old flames

Back to friends.

Good feeling. Stay as that. =]

Books

Are trophies that people never know whether you've won it, yet.

Flooded.

My phone's Inbox's been working near its limit these days.
Even if you've got free SMSes, it's your business; STOP FLOODING ME!!! Zzz

Macus says Sat-gang like disbanded

Saddening.

Good night rest

I haven't got one.

This block leave is moving forward too fast to not feel wasted!
Though I haven't wasted a single moment.

What is the distinction between Finance and Economics?

The line dividing this two field is actually very vague.

But technically speaking, the major difference between this two subjects will be their viewpoints: while they both deal with monetary issues, economist generally stand on a neutral stand predicting trends, making rational decisions and analyzing world market's interaction; while financial analyst typically works for a particular agency or institution and their job scope includes formulating sound marketing strategies, forecasting business outlook, monitoring the company's performance and health, and most importantly financial modelling.

When bringing it down to the micro-levels, the distinction will be blurry as microeconomics and econometrics deals very much with similar issues as financial analysis.

One may be involved in the aspect of common-sensicle and rational study of past patterns, while the other more technical and bold projection of future trends. One deals more often with data, the other risks.

However, both fields are found in the same market. Furthermore, financial health of a company is very much related to the economic well-being of the country, region and even the world; whereas international economics is very much influenced by financial performances of MNCs. Without economist, the finance sector will not survive; and the reverse is conversely true.

(There is a significant difference between economics and finance. To understand the differences we must understand each of the categories and learn their fundamental principles.

Finance is a fund management science. There are three general areas of finance : business finance, public finance and personal finance. The basic principle of finance is saving money and lending money. These operations are accomplished with the help of financial institutions. The science of finance deals with the interrelation of the concepts of time, risk and money.

Economics is a social science. The science of economics studies the production, consumption and distribution of services or goods. The science of economics is trying to explain how economies work and how do different economies interact. The analysis of the science of economics is applied in various fields like finance, business, government, education, law, politics, social institutions, science and many more.

The main difference between economics and finance is that finance focuses entirely on the maximization of wealth. On contrary to the finance, economics focuses on the optimization of valued goals. If we understand the facts this way we can say that finance is a subset of economics.

Finance is focusing on the management of money and assets. Financial courses are teaching how asset market works and economics courses are teaching optimization rather than focusing. The terms of finance and economics are often used in everyday speak and press interchangeably. The best words for describing these sciences would be socio economics and socio finance. The word socio would describe the social aspects of the problem.

Using only the basics from both economics and finance, we can say that finance is the study of the financial markets. The financial markets are coordinating the interests of the lenders and borrowers that are doing business in the market. The study of economics is more the study of the goods and services which are circulating in the same market.)


Read more: Difference Between Economics and Finance | Difference Between | Economics vs Finance http://www.differencebetween.net/business/difference-between-economics-and-finance/#ixzz17bRbU2FD

Credits to: http://www.differencebetween.net

Embrace the pain

What's meant to be yours will always be;
what's not, never will be.

Learning to let things go isn't easy,
facing the fact that you never had it is worst.
Some things lost cannot be retrieved,
some aims can never be achieved.

Come back down to earth,
bury your expectations.
Embrace the pain,
Indulge in imperfections.

Quality time

I gained a lot more quality time with long-neglected friends
when I lost time wasted on over-obsessive girl.

Standard Chartered Marathon Singapore 2010

6688 for Singaporean,
8393 overall.

If you're a parent

and there's something you wanna restrict your child in doing;

Would you take a firm stand, oppose explicitly and force him/her to rebel
Or would you embrace it, allow liberty and encourage honesty?

--

If you are the government

Would you suppress your citizens
or allow freedom of speech?

What are THEY for?

Friends don't need to be there;
they just need to be with you, even when you don't need them.

Mind-locked

How many keys you have are chained together?

(Im)perfection

Would you sun tan with your watches on?
Would you rather get full mark, or 99%?
Would you strive to be the top, or one of the tops?
Would you search for the One, or make do with Her?

Life is never perfect; you are, when you think you are.

Ask me

It makes so much a difference if you ask, instead of demand, for the things you want

Pure White

What makes 7-colour White a better representation of Purity than 3-colour Black?

Let us pray

For a good day tomorrow.
Though come what may, we shall nevertheless embrace.

Confession

The truth is finally all out.
The burdens off my shoulder.

White/Lies

If White as you see is not white,
would you believe that lies are good-natured?

If White as you see is not the white I see,
would that mean the lies you once said were meant to be harmless?

If White as you see did not exist,
would you guilt or would you sin?

Just friends

If friends is too much for us to become
fate is too cruel for me to succumb

Upgraded

more Mature
more Complicated
more Complex
more Sophisticated
more Philosophical

.

less Mediocre

It's a nice show, must watch!

Bruce Lee, My Brother.

It's definitely underrated.

--

Not because it is a biography of a legendary superstar.
Not because it is yet another martial art film
Not because it is action-packed.

But because it provokes emotions and stimulates thoughts.

It is not the typical biography that you may expect;
in fact, there is little story-telling though the whole plot itself is a telling of his life (early part, that is). There's not much fighting like the title may suggest, and the actions are definitely less interesting than the interrelationships between the different characters. The movie would have won enough praises even without the mentioning of the name "Bruce Lee" (it doesn't appeal to me anyway since I'm no fan of him; haven't even watched a single movie by him myself. Had Calene not had brought it without my consent we won't have watched it by any chance) for it does not relates or draws parallel to anything we have prior impression of about him. There's more tears than adrenaline, more laughters than tensions. Though the twist is rather abrupt, it's not entirely left hanging without explanation. And the fact that the whole movie is narrated first person by a (non-fictional) character within the (non-fictional) movie itself gives credential to its realness and makes all the twist dramatic-yet-believable and the plot appealing.

The storyline is certainly gripping.
Sympathetic. It's a definite must watch.

Yawnzzz

Wake up so early to welcome rain.

Now too alert to go back to sleep.

No one to eat also...

HOW?!

bored to death lor.

=.=

Why do girls wanna wear translucent clothings?

When they know that there are so many predators around.

Even the relatively decent me can't withstand the temptation to ogle;
what more the uncles that are nothing but deprived.

Unless you're standing along Geylang's secluded streets,
I don't see a point for such inviting costumes.
Unless you're psychopathic,
I don't see a point in you encouraging crimes.

--

WARNING: Recondite resolution. Contents may prove too profound for discernment

If the risk of being inflicted with mentality, bodily or morality harms outweighs the rate of utility in having such appearances or outlooks, which I suppose derived from the satisfaction of attracting interested male counterparts or jealous eyes of fellow females (either way suggests psycho instability), such behaviors will thereby be deemed irrational; and the otherwise is conversely true.
Logical reasoning suggests the former to be more true than the alternative and hence rendering the actions economically unsound.

Contemplate retrospectively, imperfect information is a serious case to consider in this particular contention.
General masses may, to some or greater degrees, lack the above-mentioned abstruse knowledge, or the ability to comprehend the technical statements and analysis, to make perspicacious judgement.
Therefore in this study, failure in the field originates partly, or mainly, from the inability to disseminate appropriate intelligence that should allow robust thinking and aid in the prevention of reckless mindsets.
Provision of precise and relevant information is therefore the root cure, though only to arguable extent; taking into account academic handicaps, for such societal disorder. Only then will the clinical issue be accorded and individual ataraxia or emotional tranquility attained.

Run/Rain

Come home see Desmond just finish his run also made me feel like running.

Made up my mind to run, finish stretching and go out of house only...

Rain!

Zzzz...

Hopefully it doesn't rain in the morning tmr.
If not I'll be f**king pissed. -.-

I'm back home to sleep on a Thursday night!

Just to go back early in the morning tomorrow... Zzz

It's impossible to beat July's 43 post.

But at least I tried with the last minute spams.

Now I'm on par!
LOL. Fucking lame.

If not for people disturbing me on FB maybe I'll think of more things to blog and then I'll surpass it.

Or maybe there'll be a nights out on Tues after IPPT?!?!? XDXD

Then I'll be in time to blog more!!!

HA. But still. it's fucking lame.

(Guess what? it's the 300th post for the year or 2010)

Ciao guys. Book in lo!

I'm really fucking running late!

Not for book in,

But to plan YOUR guard duties. Zzz...

Thinking of you.

That was what I did last night during the run.

But I was thinking of all the compromise you did for me.

Thanks.

And all the lies and deceits that you never got to know.

Sorry...

--

I wanted to write out every thing that I've kept from you that you might have or have not guessed; at least I'll then be less guilty (not like you see); but due to time constraints, next time perhaps.

- The first non-emo Realusion post -

Good start.

And I doubt I can pull 12 x Chin up as well.

Consider the last time I did pull was last week,

and it's a mere 1 set of 8 x chin up with No. 4.

Prior to that, zero count for the past one month plus.

LOL. I'll be surprised if I really do 12 on Tues.

(Though I really hope that I'd be surprised.)

[Zzz. Random random random...]

IPPT on TUES!!!

How the hell am I supposed to run 9.14!?!?!

IMPOSSIBLE is the only thing I can relate to it.

Even after deducting the 15secs that I rested before the last 300m last night, my timing's only 9.30.

16secs in 2 days seems easy in theory, but it's never the case in practice.
Even in BMT settings, it took me one week of INTENSIVE training to shave off 15secs.

Well well well, looks like it's really time to quit.

Not the game, but the habit. Bad bad bad...

Another con

that only applies to me is that I have to book in earlier than others simply because I've got more work than them, even though I'm drawing the same pay, or, as compared to the sergeants, worst still, lesser.

(But why am I so concerned about the pay?!?! (Must be the 300DOLLARS... urgh!) I'm quite happy with my current position in the office actually, having the pressure to improve myself and at the same time learn from my mistakes; and also given so many chances and opportunities to hold so much responsibilities)

Oh well, just GIVE ME THE MONEY!

HA. Totally absurd. Don't mind me, it's just pre-book-in syndrome.

Con of NS

My Mum came into my room in the midst of her mahjong game to talk to me and ask about my booking-out this week and the leave for next week.
And I heard her friends complaining about her taking too long a break.

After that I overheard her telling her friends in conto that she wanted to talk to me before I head back to camp.

One thing sucky about NS is that it only allows me to be with my family on days where they have freedom from their work. This applies to everyone I guess.

And that's often the reason why NSmen always gather together on weekends even when they see each other almost everyday: no one's at home anyway; either that, or they're busy.

Not much of a diff.

Hopefully after this two years I'll learn to spend more time with them as compensation.

For now, SUCK YOUR F***ING THUMB! Zzz

Signing on

This idea has been on my mind for quite some time after talking to my CSM regarding SAF scholarship.

But my conclusion for now is that it's not very possible.

Too much to commit and too little incentives.

Perhaps I would have if my OC's not ORD-ing so soon. LOL.

SC7FB

Sham creating this group reminds me a lot of all my other cliques that once had accounts on Friendster;
it always end in nothingness.

Totally random.

Running late to book in!

But I've got some thoughts on my mind all day that only now I've got the motivation to type it out.

Sa-Luck-Moon

LOL!

Num Num!!!

and how can I forget about it?!?!

I'm so gonna kena Num Num if Junyang finds out that I forgot bout it.

President of Mess Community

PMC in short.

That's my fourth post in the Company.

That's four times the shit-work to clear.

(SAI KANG WARRIOR!)

--

and I never even play XBOX myself before! How the **** am I supposed to organize events on it?!

HA. Maybe Elisha's got a point: get Liang Yi to do it. XD

Why do I have so many shit to do?!?!

Even on my book out days. Zzz.

NS FULL-TIME indeed.

Forget it that I'm working when others are having their personal R&R in the bunk.

Forget it that I'm working when others go to bed.

Forget it that I'm working the load of 4 persons or even 6 now that the CQ and Clerk is gone.

At least give me a pay rise!!!.... $300? HAHA.

--

Not that I'm complaining.

I'm having nights out when others are slogging.

I'm having supper in the spec mess when others are busy.

and I'm having book out when others are confining!

XDXD

Well done.

Same old weekend routines.

Same thing, I book out to meet the STG for mahjong with Kangster as the DJ.

Same thing, we went Sentosa for Sun tanning session just like life before Brunei.

Same thing, we had lunch together and split up after.

Same thing, I skipped the Bball session in the morning.

Same thing, I'll be meeting Sat Gang (VJ Bball) later (or so I think)

Same thing, I'll be rounding with Rex after.

And most importantly,

Same thing, tomorrow's a book-in day,

and the same old weekday routines begin.

--

Q: When will life ever have an extreme makeover?
A: Either there's a sudden announcement that tomorrow's ORD or I suddenly strike lottery.

I want both actually.

The whole world knows about it.

And I'm proud of it.

For it's not only a lesson learnt;
it's many lessons learned by all around me.

DO NOT LITTER.

They DO catch, and it happened to people around you;
like me.

-.-

Berhenti!

*Keep still**Face turn white*

LAUGH MY ASS OFF! HAHA

Together

Me: "Fucking $300"
Alex: "I can feel you, bro"
Me: "Ya, and that makes it $600"

LOL.

Joke.

Not that long actually

consider there's a book out. =]=]

It's gonna be long

The week ahead.

Chaos Theory

If that one particular stupid butterfly haven't flap its wings,
it may not have triggered that gust of wind.

If that gust of wind had not been triggered,
it may not have entered my room.

If it had not entered my room,
it may not have awoken me at that particular moment that I woke up yesterday.

If it didn't wake me up at that particular moment yesterday,
I may not have left my house at the time I left.

If I had not left my house at that time,
I may not have taken that particular route out.

If I had not taken that particular route out,
I may not have met Junyang at that particular instant.

If I had not met Junyang at that particular instant,
We may not have reached Kang's camp at that particular time.

If we had not reached there at that particular time,
I may decide to not buy the 4D

If I decide to not buy the 4D,
I may have chosen to not buy that particular (disgusting) Green Tea.

If I had not brought that green tea,
I may have decided to head towards Bukit Batok first.

If I had decided to head towards Bukit Batok,
I may not have picked up Alex's call.

If I had not picked up Alex's call,
I may have decided to meet him first then collect my race pack

If I had collected my race pack after meeting him,
we may not have decided to head towards that particular spot.

If we had not decided to head towards that particular spot,
the two NEA guys may not have camped down there.

If the haven't camped there,
We may be $300 richer now.

And if I am $300 dollar richer now,
I won't have posted this post.

--

What if the butterfly flapped its wings with slightly less strength,
perhaps we won't have been fined.

Or just any minor changes to any of the above scenarios,
maybe everything would have been different, totally.

Now I'm thinking,

"If I haven't posted this post,
I won't have won the first, second and third prize for the night's lottery"

--

Will it come true?
Please do.
For I'm already $300 poorer.

Dammit.

Yaya, what an eventful weekend. Zzz.
Too much to be true.

Long day ahead!

So many things to do today! =]

Alvin screwed my perfect weekend!

Damn it. Just $7.50 and you skip town. -.-

Worried

Last night when I stayed over at JY's I slept early and my phone was switched to silent.
When I woke up I saw one missed call from home.
I didn't think much about it.
When I reached home this morning.
My mum asked me in a rather shocking tone:
"Why didn't you pick up your phone last night (in Chinese)"
I just replied that it was switched to silent mode.
Now that I wonder about it,
it's not the first time I've not picked up my phone,
neither is it the first time I've not return home without informing.
In fact, that's always the case.

Changing a perspective,
have they been worried all these while whenever I've failed to pick up their call or even return home at night?
Or is it just because there's been too many hacking cases nowadays in Singapore that they're starting to feel insecure about our society?

Either way, they're not the main point.

I realize they really care about me.
Even now when I'm old enough to shoot down an enemy when the time calls for;
I'm still a child to them, and I always will be.

So what if I'm a Red Beret Trooper,
So what if I'm a Commando;
To them,
I'm just a child.

And I enjoy being the last one most.
I hope I'll always get to be.

Indulgence

Oh ya, now that Bintan is out.
2 more books for me?!?! XDXD

The most important question to ask in accounting is "When?".

U-bin-tan?!?!?!

Sorry guys!
Should have renewed my passport long ago.
Stupid block leave comes so suddenly!
But then again. Nobody has any violent objection against cancelling it. Seems like everyone has no money for it anyway.
LOL.
Bye, Bintan!

Ubin anyone?!?!

--

Can spend the 4 days more meaningfully by doing other things that we don't get to do on weekends during book out!
Plus the money saved can be invested on more exciting activities locally.

Not a bad plan actually. =]

But still, my bad!

Ops life.

I've been enjoying life before this;
but this is definitely better.

I'm not complaining.

Perspective

http://mediocreperspective.blogspot.com/

Realized;
matured.

Book Clearance!

Ok, after the shopping spree for book last weekend, I've decided to be more disciplined and stop buying anymore books for the next 3 months (A bit hard consider it's X'mas season and there's so many promotions going on........)

Anyway. Gonna start my serious reading now that scholarship windows are opened again.
16 x good books on Economics/Finance to finish within this 3 months. XD

--

Urgh. Bank's left with $200 again. When are you returning me my monry, bro!?!?!

1st non-English B

It's long over,
but I was doing my Education Portfolio that traces back all the way to my PSLE,
I realized two things:

1) I've always gotten a B grade for English, and
2) my A'levels Physics was the first non-English subject to not get distinction!!!!

NB.

Actually quite zai ah; 16 distinctions out of the 20 exam papers I've taken in my whole life. LOL. BHB.

Still got my two 1st-class honors to get! (Like a bit far-fetched. Ha)

Currency War

Yuan is now undervalued as Chinese government suppresses the currency's upward pressure to appreciate (i.e. not allowing market forces to dictate its movement and the supply-demand interaction)
China is therefore signalling to the world a Beggar-thy-neighbor agenda: "we want to export to you for our own recovery, not yours"

--

Why China want to do this and what are the impacts on America?

- "to keep Yuan artificially cheap to give Chinese exports an unfair advantage in international markets, thus holding back America's economic recovery"


Why China should appreciate Yuan?

1. For its own sake

- It'll force its companies to become more efficient and high tech since they can no longer depend on a weaker currency (relatively cheaper when convert to local currency since it's weak) to compete with overseas firm.
- Materialize China's dream of the Yuan becoming a force in global trade and finance
- Transform China's investment-and-export growth engine to one based more on domestic consumption so as to reduce the economic's reliant on global demand, state spending and debt-driven investment (and since China's domestic market is large enough to exploit and support its economic growth)
- Sharp increase in Yuan's value would undercut the nation's export machine and cost valuable jobs (therefore gradual strengthening of the currency will be a better option)
- (no harm appreciating since previous episodes have shown that Chinese exporters can survive and even thrive - because imported components and raw materials costs less)

2. For the global economy

- External pressure cause tension to arise across the pacific
- Chain/Domino effect: BTN attitude encourages others to pursue similar policies (Japan for example intervene its currency in Sept first time after 6years to depress rising Yen to help its exporters compete with those from China and elsewhere) i.e. Competitive devaluation; raise nightmares that it might derail the already shaky recover from the Great Recession
- It is hurting poorer countries: cheap Yuan stunts their export sector by keeping Chinese products competitive with lower prices as compared t those from emerging markets

Why US wants Yuan to appreciate/strengthen against the Dollar?

- In hope of balancing trade between the two countries that China now has great surplus due to cheap Yuan and as a result cheap (comparatively) China product that spurred imports to US
- Cure its internal economic ills: unemployment and export deficient ((X-M)/net trade with China negative or low) via cheaper imports (US product) for Chinese consumer and companies, stimulating badly needed jobs.

Sub-conclusion
A stronger Yuan is good for just about everyone

US' retaliation

- recently passed a bill to slap punitive duties in goods from countries that keep their currencies undervalued

But a stronger Yuan may not necessarily help America, in fact, it can hurt US as well:

- Stronger Yuan will not automatically balance trade between the two countries; between 2005 to 2008 when Yuan appreciated about 21% against Dollar, America's trade deficit with China increased. China simply produces too many basic consumer goods.
America need to save more and spend less; Chinese need to spend more and save less.
- Expensive Yuan will also not encourage jobs and factories back to US from across Pacific, they will simply shift away from China (because strong currency make many export factories in China less competitive) to relocate at other developing nations (India, Indonesia etc) where costs are significantly lower than America's
Therefore it requires major structural reforms in both countries

So weak I can't tear

Why is it that I've been weakened,
but I shed no tear fir you.
Is this what you call numbness?
Or there weren't even love to start off with?...

--

Why did you put that post up on FB?
Is that post special to you?
Having some hidden meaning that means something to you?

Why?...

72km

It's lead me to more than just my red beret.

It's gotten me blisters, abrasion, muscle aches, tiredness, sun burns,
and also criticisms.

How great.
Getting fuck for doing your job.
What more, when you're shag.
And I'm not being recognized for all these shit that I'm doing.
Where's the point.
It's like what some others are saying:
it's not worthwhile.

But I guess I've been chosen,
and I have the responsibility to not disappoint my task appointer.

Maybe I should try harder to learn how to not care about what others are saying behind my back.
That'll be some life skill army equip me with.

--

Such an eventful and meaningful milestone,
lets not spoil it.

Not that bad a walk after all.
Walking with my buddies together for most of the route;
even when we were shag, we pressed on;
even when we were sleeping, we moved forward. LOL.

Saw some mediacorp artist jogging and gave us some words of encouragement.
And guess what, we actually walked pass the President! (and I didn't know until after quite a while someone else told me, lol)
Guess he knew us commandos will be there that day, that's why there's only one bodyguard with me. Ha. Crap.

Reaching back to camp was a hugh relieve,
A heavy burden off my shoulder.
Because it simply means that the Red Beret's already in my hands.
Even when I couldn't even walk properly,
I felt a strength within.
The tiredness and shagness somehow disappeared.
And especially so on the actual parade itself. =]

This whole Commando journey so far;
Not bad an experience at all!

Much awaited.

And much coveted.

It's but a piece of cloth.
That's all so common that I see it everywhere almost everyday.
The excitement and expectation had long died off.
Anticipation no longer existed.
Even up till the very moment when it was donned,
it was calm within.

But the experience was worthwhile.
The memories priceless.
The challenges valuable.

The future tougher,
the journey further.

Panthers;
Swift and Deadly.

For Honour and Glory,
Commando.

Novelty

Spending money we don’t have
On things we don’t need
To create impression that won’t last
For people we don’t care about.

Long gone.

I'm surprised by the speed of me accepting the fact that we're strangers.
I don't feel a thing looking at your photos.
I feel glad that life goes on as usual for you, and me.
and I'm relieved now that you're not my responsibility.
I see that you've found your internal peace,
so have I.
=]

Maggi Mee!

Hmmm...
When was the last time I had it.... at home!?

I need my strength

I've been going through motion.
Now I need direction.
Who's there, who's not?

9th month

We've been through so much in this short nine months.
People all around are still asking if it's worth it.
We're come thus far.
Nothing's managed to stop us.
Good job.
Press on.

Enlistment, POP, Medic course, Airborne, Battalion, Brunei.
We've still got a long way to go.

Routine

Same old shit again.
Booking in in an hour's time.

Think twice

Perhaps there isn't really much regret, just sorry.
Perhaps there isn't really much love, just guilt.

Perhaps we really weren't meant to be together in the first place.

We just did too many things.
Far too much than what we're supposed to.
Far too fast than we both can cope and handle.
We're both in the wrong.

Don't blame me.
I won't blame you.

It's a fair game.
I've compensated.
You've given your fair share.
There's no measurement to know who played a bigger part, or major role.
We both know and understood, still, we both agreed.
We started it out together.
Though we didn't end it together like the way it should have.
We did end it.
And that is correct.

Now we'll part, totally, finally.
Eventually all pain will be forgotten, all wounds healed.
All memories faded.
Even the face, the things, the feelings of hatred and misgiving.

You're not the one.
I'm not for you.

You were clear about this,
and now I understand it too.

It's not easy to be friends again.
It'll be more painful if that's the case.
I know it now.
That's why you chose to completely severe all ties.
I like that.
I'll abide to the rule of the game.

It's not yet Game Over.
Because we've unfinished business:
We haven't forget each other's existence.
We're still living in each other's sphere, shadow.
I'm still present, you too.
The rule is that we have to vaporize.
So that's what we're gonna do.

Stranger.
You've moved on earlier than me,
while I stayed put.
Move faster, before I catch up.
I don't wanna cross path with you yet again.
That'll be torturous.
Let the pain cease here.
I don't wanna participate or even peek into your life any further,
lest I get myself hurt.
I know you won't do it too.
Let it be a one-off lump-sum pay-off for whatever we've owed each other,
which my guess now is that there's nothing much left.
So go on.
Hurt me just this last once.
I'll let you go.
Like how you let go of me.
Clean move.

Ciao.

Let it go please.

A post from January 28th, 2010.

Goodbye my lover.

I know I shouldn't have turned back.

But still, I know you're a strong girl.

It's good enough that you replied, because it's definitely too much to ask for more.

We've proved to fail, even though we were the perfect couple in so many ignorant eyes.

But it's not the end; we'll both move on, I know.

We've learnt a lot from each other.

Though we shall part, the memories left behind will never.

It's been a good 5 years, and the goodness will somewhat continue.

I've tried so hard to hold on, I swear. But we both know it'll end up like this,

even before we started.

This isn't the first, but I know it'll be the last.

I've broken the fragile heart of yours much more times than I am entitled to.

We both know we've long past the expiry date.

So, for now,

Goodbye my lover.

Go find your better man

--

I was so stupid.

I've posted this up myself,
I've realized and understood everything that I should have 10 months ago.

Why did I clean forgot about it?

Why did I allow myself to be deluded.

Haiz...

Maggots no more

Gentlemen

We've earned it.

--

And now I'm back in Singapore from my eye-opening and life-experiencing trip at Brunei.

The first activity that we started of with will never be forgotten by any one of us.
It was definitely something worth trying, but once is enough, no need for a second time (but me being the betrayer didn't though my detachment ultimately did because of a $5.95-reason XD). Flash flood plus high tide plus heavy rain - ultimate combi for harboring out in the field.

After that was River crossing, nothing special, just shag. PB after that makes things worse but it's our punishment, so no choice.

Second activity was tiring but more relaxed cos it's OTOT! Camp fire, insects, hammock. Walk walk walk and walk. None of the teams completed the checkpoints, so we were considered slightly above average since we were near. Base camp never seem so heavenly after.

Subsequently are the missions. As usual, shag more than fun. Nothing much to highlight for the first two except the reshuffling of detachments. Raymond cried and made everyone else so emotional. The original Det 2 was so united, I don't understand why the change, made everything so complex and everyone so vexed. But oh well, I know the retionale, just refuse to accept the fact. No choice, we just have to make do with the new Dets. I'm once again drafted back to Det 4. Seems like I'm stuck with '4' through my NS life afterall.

Back to the missions. Final mission was really shag. CWO, Biang, 7-sisters. Shiok. Ha. And I don't know whether Heaven's playing trick on us or trying to help, it rained both days. Considering non of the other outfield (except the one where we harbored) rained, it's quite epic. Being the CSM runner's a mission by itself. When everyone get to rest, I have to work; and when others work, I also have to work. Sabash.

last night out in the field was spent with my OC. It's something special, not because I get to sleep with my OC or because I got Maggi to eat, but because I got a Basha to sleep in! No rain for me! HAHA. Quite an experience not many others will get though. =]

Casualty evacuation after that was no fun. Having to control a company-size troop is not an easy feat. I can seriously feel the commanders now. Everyone was so high after the final mission, but I just don't seem to feel a thing, partly because I was rather disappointed with myself and my performance when given the task to lead. Destined to be just a Man I guess.

Anyway, some things I want to highlight:

- I'm really amazed by the insects over there (and sidetrack a bit; I saw no animals, not even a bird in the forest, just lots of noise): everything's upsized. The ants, the worms, and most importantly the bees. They're so hugh that they instill fear in you when the fly near you. And the problem is they always do; just that they never sting. They're just there to irritate you with their buzz.

- It was supposed to be rainy season over there but like I say, only the final mission involved rain, so I guess Heaven's rather kind on us considering that we're famous for being 'Rain God' that always attract the waters. Not bad for our laundry too. =]

- One thing I wonder is: why are the roots so nicely staggered. They grow so perfectly fit for climbing. Such a mockery. Built for us to step; even Nature's working for SAF, readily providing us with such training grounds. (Okay, it's really a random thought I have while climbing, nothing much to do).

- And there's something 'K'ick-ass there. It's really 'N'OTHING. O.o . You just need your 'L'egs and some 'L'uck to conquer it. How can we forget about the KNOLL almighty! Basically, that's everything to summarize for the whole of Brunei trip. Knolls. =X

--

And with the Brunei finale, we're having 90% of the Red Beret on our head. It's just two more milestones for us before we have it high up on our head. =]

Conclusion

The memories a nemesis I cannot best.

Moment of Truth

The time you've wanted has ended.
You say you'll tell me the truth.
But I need no reason.
I don't want the truth.
Just give me our future.
I'm still waiting.

--

20th was one of my hardest day in Brunei.
The anxiety. The excitement.
The anticipation.

Everyone was cheering when we touched down.
But I couldn't be bothered.
I've not felt a single bit of relieve even after we check out.
because I know there's something more I want than to go home.

--

But I was crushed;
crashed and burnt,
face smack right down the Earth.

All that I've been hoping for,
they're against hope.
All the future I've been imaging,
they're mere illusions.
All the promises that you've made,
they've evaporated.

I feel lost.
I am devastated.

I've always been holding on to that single thread of hope
that one day you'll return.
I was so confident that we'll never have a true end.
That you belong to me, for eternity.
This feel so fucked up.
Because I've never really lose you before.
Until yesterday then I realize this cold hard fact:
we've ended long ago.
Way before all my hopes were harbored.

You're no longer mine,
you never were.

--

Please just end it
I don't want this to continue anymore
Could you just let me go?
We have ended .
let it go please.

--

I always thought I've convinced myself enough to feel numb about everything.
I always thought I'm enjoying my singlehood; relationship no longer fit into my life style, so perhaps one is better than two.
I always convince my friends that I've gotten over her.
I always enjoy looking back at our conversations and photos, thinking those memories were enough

Truth is:
I was never prepared to let go.

--

I wanted this post to be emotional;
I wanted to churn tears when I read back in future.
Because this day marks the real end between the two of us.
It marks an end to a 7-year long project.
It's a milestone.

But it's really pointless.
All the tears that I'm supposed to shed for you,
I've done my fair share.
Perhaps what people said few years back was true:
you're not worth my time,
much less my tears.

I should have seen that more clearly
before stepping into this maze so tangled up.

--

So this shall be a conclusive post for us,
even though I know more emotional ones will definitely follow.
Right now while I'm still strong, let me tell you:

Thanks.
Thanks for all the time that we've spent together.
Thanks for all the lessons that you've taught me in life and in our relationship.
Thanks for always being there when I needed someone.
Thanks for occupying my otherwise lonely heart for the past few years.
Thanks for being that special one and allowing me to have someone special.
Because I sincerely appreciate them all.

Sorry.
Sorry for always shouting at you when I'm pissed.
Sorry for making you do things that you dread doing.
Sorry for taking up so much of your time; your youth; your freedom.
Sorry for all the times that I've disappointed you.
Sorry for not taking good care of you when I'm supposed to.
Sorry for not being your Mr. Right.
and Sorry, for not being a good boyfriend.

Certain things that have been done cannot be undone.
Memories that have been created will forever be etched in the heart.
Wounds that have been resulted will heal one day.

I know I didn't reply your last message last night.
I really didn't know what's there left to say.

But now I know:

Good luck and all the best.
Good bye;
we shall be strangers from now on,
no need to say hi even when we bump into each other.
I'll feign ignorance,
I'll not feel a thing,
my heart will not skip a beat.

--

You didn't even apologize.
And you actually beg me to let you go.

When did I ever manage to stop you from leaving?
You should have just told me earlier.

And why,
why is it that we can't even be friends?

I guess there isn't really a need to know the reasons.
So long.
Farewell.

And yes, I'm back!

From hell.

I feel detached

Thanks bros!

Even though just now at the dinner table you guys said that you all won't be going, but I know you all want to go.
So though you guys are not sending me off later, I seriously appreciate the thought and feel honored to have such a nice bunch of brothers. Thanks.

And STG also, IFF you guys are bored and really bo liao, I know you all will appear too. LOL. Thanks anyway.

And OCS kiddo, girl over friend ah! But you are forgiven. =]. All the best and see you soon!

--

Wanted to write it together with "Bon voyage" but write it separately more sincere. LOL!

I'll be gone

And I'll miss our promised date,
but I don't really think you'll care, or even remember.
I want so much to tell you that I'm leaving for the time being.
But you left me earlier for a longer time.
It's my turn to MIA.

But anyway, see you soon; I hope...

Bon Voyage

Bye, Jason.
All the best for your trip and please come back in one piece.

P.S: the red beret under your mum's bed is waiting for you! XD

(self-talk)

Where did my salary gone to?!?! (AGAIN)

Tomorrow is the 10th, so by right the pay should be coming in tomorrow.
But because it is a Sunday and banks are closed, the pay was advanced.
So I received it yesterday. And guess what, more than half is gone by now.
Great. New MP3, new phone; plus all the accessories for them and other gadgets that I brought along with this "mad-spending-rush".

It all comes with a cost of course.
Cost: (too lazy to calculate)
Benefit: (incalculable)

Conclusion: =D I'm a happy man!
(if I don't check my bank account)

Nostalgia

7th October 2010

Today I walked down the road once so familiar.
It's not the first time I'm walking it alone,
but I've never felt more lonely.

I walked the pace you find too fast but always kept up with because you never wanted to slow me down.

I saw the father figure at the badminton court that we always avoided,
and so I did today.

I sat down at the place I always do before you moved when we were still so young,
looked up like I used to. That was so long ago, indeed, 7 years; one-third of my life ago.

I hurried my steps when I walked under the bamboo sticks like you always do for your paranoia, and I felt an anxiety too today: for fear of being spotted by familiar faces.

I went to the seat where I always sat while waiting for you and I saw a figure so much like you, I skipped a beat.

I walked the route I always take when going home after sending you,
pending your wave that I haven't seen for long.

--

All this now without you;
not a presence of you in my life.

I'm used to my singlehood and I enjoy it,
forgetting you once stepped into my life...

But maybe two, is better than one.

--

回忆过去
痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了 情难了

Nothing comparable.

Even 63 years of great love has an ending.
7 is even an overstatement for ours.
So short, so humble, and yet we can barely hold on.

Jason,

Reality is cruel.
Cruelty is real

You know there's a lot of expectations from you.
There's a lot of people waiting for your success, but there's even more waiting to see you fail.
There's a lot if things you want to do and should do, or even must;
and there's even more that you want to achieve.
There's no time to hesitate;
there's no turning back.

You know who you want to show, what you want to prove.
You know there's something out there waiting for you to claim, to win it back.
And you know what's there for you to fight for.

There's no need for others to tell you this,
because only you yourself knows best what these answers are.

Freedom is merciless.
Fight on.

Commando-style weekend 2

Ok. So it's yet another Thursday book out.
This time round even more shag.
Hmmm. Maybe not, considering I didn't do triathlon this week like what I did last.

Anyway, yes, I did sleep on Thursday night after supper;
but that 7hrs is definitely not enough to compensate the mere-2hrs-of-sleep on Wed night. Admin work is definitely a chore, and I'm just not cut out to be office boy. Oh well, suck thumb.

Anyway, damn pissed off during my book out on Thurs. Supposed to go dinner together with B-team, but they all PS-ed cause they wanna go eat straight after book out. I never even eat breakfast on that day! And I didn't complaint hungry. Haiz. But yeah, I know I can't blame you guys, almost everyone is going crazy with the hunger. Oh well. But I still did had my buffet at Illuma (again), gay-ed with Alex. LOL. After we parted, I went for a short walk down the memory lane. Nostalgic. Met with Rex for awhile before heading home to sleep.

So Friday morning was personal R&R time for me to settle my new HTC Touch2 and iTouch.
Before I can finish them, I rushed off to meet Chinboon and head for Beach road to do last minute shopping for Brunei. Then Vj Open House. End up only our batch went back; but it was definitely worth the time considering the amount of fun we had. Reached Lavender for dinner with Macus' BMW. One word - shiok. Nabei, why so filthy rich.

Back home after meeting up with Kang after the team dismissed to pack my hand carry bag which I don't know whether it can pass the custom. =X
Anyway, headed down to Alex's for Mahjong. And that sums up Friday.
Which have no end, because the Mahjong session lasted all the way till the next morning where no break was given before we proceed to Sentosa. Sun-tan session 2 with the STG aka Sun Tan Gang. LOL. Gave up and packed up early cos we were all too shag. Chill-out at PCC then lunch at Serangoon before coming back home.

And here I am, still sitting in front of my comp, not intending to treasure the mere 2 hours I'm left with to sleep before going dinner at Cathay. (Almost everyone's going!) Hmmmm... Shall see how long my stamina will last till I shag out. Zzz

Brunei the Devil

he's approaching.

I was still anticipating it so much few months ago.
Now it's really here, 12hrs away.

But next thing you know,
it's over.

Or so I think.

Godson

aka Dog, or Lackey if you like it.

Disgusting.

But I'm honored.

I seriously don't know what I did to deserve this,
but I just wanna make sure I don't disappoint;
even though I know it's really hard to achieve.

32 more days

It's not about 12hrs later;
not about 22days later.
it's the 32rd day from now that really matters.

Our Big Day.

Commando-style weekend

Outfield mode.

If only every weekend is like this;
it won't matter that they were shag.

If only every outfield is like this;
it won't matter that they don't end.

I like to run

because that's the time you force your mind to work at its limit, and transcend it.
you reflect on things that you never realize or observe.
you conclude on findings that prove to be valuable.
you draw out plans and make crucial decisions.

But one minus for this is that it last as far as your stamina allows.
After you stop, the thoughts scatter, the ideas diffuse.

Power

I like it when I have the power,
when I can alter things,
when I can determine others' fate,
when I can sway decisions and opinions.

But the responsibility that it brings forth is seriously heavy,
though I've yet to feel the full thrust.

More to come Jason, more!

Good or bad, it's only up to me to decide.
But this is one decision I have no idea where to sway it to.

Boring blog

I realize my blog is DAMN boring cause everything circles around me, myself and I; plus my life. How many people out there's actually interested in my life anyway? A handful, at most. I can always be philosophical and deep, which in fact I've been trying with my other concurrent blog, but what's the point?

This blog's meant to be my diary.
For me to look back,
not you to look at.
But you're always welcomed of course,
until you're bored; eventually you'll leave.

Peep all you want,
save the comments and judgments.

--

Where are you?
It's my diary,
for you to remember my existence,
for you to keep track of my life,
for you to understand what I'm going through,
for you to come back to be part of my diary eventually...
It's for you.

But do you even know of its existence?...

Long weekend!

Ok. Thursday book out was late,
but can't complaint.
Other than it being on a THURSDAY,
the slackness of the whole week (at least for me) also fully justified CSM's holding back.

Things that follow followed fast, at least up till now.
Clubbing was cancelled cause the rest were all shag out,
so only mahjong's left; all the way till 5 where we caught an hour of sleep before heading to Sentosa.
That place was a heaven today, full of babes and bikinis, rare for a Friday afternoon, thanks to NAFA. Activities today were well-planned as well, everything altogether was a wow, not less what we expected; much more in fact.

Back at home now preparing to go for a run, which I hope will realize but doubt so, considering the sleepy state I'm in now. Stayover tonight? perhaps. But I'm definitely gonna go meet up with Rex to get the songs into my hard drive, otherwise my iTouch will be redundant. And that idiot's only free after 9 cause of gf. Zzz.

Tomorrow's another Sentosa day, credit to Junyang who wants beach volleyball so much. But I'm only interested in the sun tanning opportunity. Sun tan lotion: checked!
Then it'll be getting of my new phone! XDXD . Blackberry 9000 or HTC Touch 2?!?!?! Nvm, shall see tmr.
Dinner will be at Chomps, back to our usual hideout for a crash course module for our precious bazhang who's never been there before! Unbelievable.
Anyway. it'll be the last before Brunei I guess, unless I somehow manage to squeeze some time in next week for it. Oh well.
Night cycling! Tentatively. Haha.

Sunday will be meeting up with Jasmine for my insurance shit,
then swimming, and if possible, gym.
Cut hair; then prepare to book in!
Shiok.
Shiok to fill up your precious weekends to avoid the 'empty' and 'wasted' feeling. =]=]

--

Today was a blast.
I love it.

Running Clerk

Other than needing to report everyday at 8am and 5pm,
everything else is a plus.
Now that I think of it,
I love this job.

Brunei is soooooo near!

Next week this time I should be busy packing my stuff.
Hope all goes well smoothly and it'll all be over in a blink of an eye!

Promise

Will you keep it,
or even remember it?...

I realize you're not so easy to get over.

Why did your photo resurface.
Why did your Facebook feed appear on the top.
Why are there so much of your presence around me...

I really enjoy my life now.
but it feels like there's something missing.

I really don't know why am I still holding on;
or am I even really holding on,
or just merely had sudden thoughts of you and our memories?...

I really don't know...

Post-AllOut (meal schedule XD)

Due to the 4 days of outfield which only offers us combat ration, I've been surviving on drinks sachets and some dessert packs for that amount of time.
So Post All-Out is basically about the amount of food I consumed over the weekend:
KFC directly after book out (that's also after the indented lunch back in camp)
MOS at SG for dinner plus milk-curb at chomps.
Cheese cake and spirits for supper at Anchorvale.
Mooncake as night snack after reaching home.
Macs breakfast deluxe first thing the next morning.
Almond crunch x half a pack for lunch.
1 x big bowl of beef noodle for tea (at 4pm)

and now (6pm) I'm thinking of what to eat for dinner before heading back to camp. HAHA.

Shiok.

And actually most of the things to eat I've already planned on the very first day out at field. Craving is the one most important motivation for you to finish the outfield, I realized. =]

--

And with last weekend lost to guard duty, this week is really rather pack (with food).
Lunch with Coy mates then rush down to SG for dinner with HW and the girls. Then rush out for supper with JW. Just too bad that I'm too tired, if not there'll still be stayover at Kang's. Next morning breakfast with Kang and Yang, then Orchard together with Jingyi. Lunch with Andy then now going dinner with Kaung.

Shiok, all involved food. XD

--

Ok. That's all for my post All-Out R&R, now it's time for me to get back to hell!

Mid-Autumn what?

It's not a festival definitely;
else I won't be celebrating it with a bunch of guys,
admiring the moon with my IBA and camo on,
and nothing to eat, much less mooncake.
Festival indeed,
some even celebrated it with turn-outs.

How nice.

Where did my salary gone to?!?!

Ok. last week spent nothing except lending Kaung $200.
In fact, I earned from the poker games on Friday night.
And Sunday guard duty means Saturday night book in.
Consider the outfield items we brought. It should even out.

But my bank account reads 200odd bucks just now!

Consider I spent about $50 on food and stuff today,
and the $200 I paid Jul for the iPod Touch;
it shouldn't be so little also!

I still have to pay NGM cause they rejected my card, TWICE.
And the renewal fees for Times mag.
And pay my brother when my new phone arrives (if it even does)!

GG.
Where did my salary gone to?!?!
I try hard not to look into my wardrobe. =X

Superman

All out, Fall out, Shag out!

--

Okay. So All Out has ended. It was really tiring, but it was definitely worth it.
Interesting...
Missions were tiring, Casualty party was shag, but the experience and memories we gain are priceless.
Most importantly, I really love my Det.

--

There were times when we really shag out, became angsty and start fucking one another.
There were times when we really tire off and feel like giving up our load to someone else.
There were times when we really can't take it any further and lag behind.

But still, we came back together; stronger.

Accidents occurred, but we all pressed on.
Grudges grew, but we all moved on...

Of course, not everyone is perfect.
There are people that I don't see eye to eye with.
There are people whom I'm disgusted with.
And there are people who I have zero respect for.

But still, I see two sides of them.

--

Ok, enough of my reflection.
Forgot what I say above, because I'm going to contradict myself.
Some people are just fucking fucked up.

One who tells himself he'll fail even before he tries never deserve help; he'll always fail.
One who tries hard to deceive people around never deserve respect, he'll always be condemned.

There's no need to name, because everyone (who should know) knows who these 2 persons are, and we all agree with the statements above.

I've seen the good side of them, but the negatives overshadowed.

--

Never mind, forget it.

----

Now I know Tekong inside out, when will we have our next navigation exercise?! LOL.
But no bashing please, it really sucks, especially in the dark.
And I have this phobia of bugs crawling into my butt crack. Ha.
So best is we can have ground sheet and lie FLAT on the ground to sleep.
Though Alice pack is good to lie on, sleeping on it for more than 1hr is taxing.
What petrol base, I don't want!!!
Fucking shag especially when you're on a 2-men team doing shifts to guard the night.
And that so happen to me, Medic turn MG comm.
But I like, cause MG commander don't have to shoot;
that means no rifle cleaning! HAHA
And there's less running about involved too. =]=]
But still, I sweat a lot as usual.
And so, that results in one thing - heat rash. Ultimate. FUCKING CB! Damn irritating with all these rash on your body and there's nothing you can do to ease it!
Plus all the blisters on my feet, they're imba.
On top of that, my ears are irritating too.
Till now it's still ringing. -.-
Stupid "loud-thing" (can't name)
And it's damn irritating when you hear things like there's water inside. fuck.
I really hope it heals, or not I'll really have to see a specialist.
And if I OOC cause of that... it'll be damn stupid! Dammit.
Highlight: F1-in-Tekong aka flies irritates me more when they just keep zooming past my ears, testing my impaired hearing. Zzz.
AND, abrasion. period. Kaoz. No need to elaborate how much it sucks.
And just when you think it finally all ended and time for all your injuries to heal, here comes the formidable casevac party! Woohoo. And guess what, I have to tank the casualty's Alice pack! Wonderful.
Now I'm wondering if my personal best of 35kg load (Metador + Bangalore + MOP + Demo bag + Spare batteries) is heavier or the one with 2 packs.
(Haha. I realize above is just one whole chunk of complaints.)
But I'm happy 'bout one thing: the very last day (actually that's the only day) of tanking the load earned me the term 'superman'. How cool! I like. =]

Haha. That pretty much sums up the whole exercise.
For now, it's time to prep myself for more to come!
Brunei's on its way,
and before that there's still 35km route march with ALL the SOP items and not to forget Repelling course! Cool shit.
After everything, it'll be 72km and before you know it (45 days, I know... -.-) I'll be getting my red beret!
I'm so damn excited. XD
No sarcasm involved! =]

I miss all my friends around me!

'cos they all seem to be leading a different life now.
More busy, more colorful;
less like mine.

Yet another Saturday book in

Zzz.

Will you?

Everytime I see you online I feel like talking to you.
But there's really nothing to say anymore.
Anyway, will you even reply?...

Pre-AllOut

Next week will be the first test we're having;
will you survive, or succumb to your weaknesses?...

记得

谁还记得是谁先说 永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得 当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起
走到最后...

谁还记得爱情开始 变化的时候
我和你的眼中看见了 不同的天空
走得太远终于走到 分岔路的路口
是不是你和我 要有两个
相反的梦...

There goes the one special day

Booking back in to my reality.

你不知道的事

你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎了满地
在心里清晰

你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事

Stay home Monday

I've totally forgotten how my life's been led for the two or three months before I was enlisted.

Today I have a feel of it, and I'm not exactly prepared for this.

But no matter what, I'll enjoy this sweet escapade for now...

Hall life

Ok, spent one night at NTU playing mahjong;
But that's not my main point.

Hall life's kinda fun, but that's when you're staying with your best of friends and lucky enough to know nice new friends. That said, everything in uni seems fun to me now, only because there's no studying and exams for the girls to stress about.
Though I'm secretly looking forward to getting back to school life, having to studying new subjects at a more sophisticated level is definitely scary. Well, when the time comes, we'll just have to face it like how we've done it for the past dunno how many years.

Excited and anticipating. =]

Retail therapy.

Though it not exactly very much needed;
but shopping whole day and spamming everything you see, just buy buy buy buy buy;
the feeling is just shiok.

Even more shiok is when you just finish shopping and feel so tired, and while you're on the train on the way home, you see your fellow coy mates taking the train, heads down, heading towards camp, on the way to book in. AND YOU ARE FUCKING GOING HOME TO SLACK!
HAHA. =X

--

That aside, I fucking spent about $600 in a weekend!
Ha. that's how shiok it is. =]=]
One long sleeve shirt, one designer polo, one berms, one jeans, one jockey cap, one cap, some books, two belts, one pair of slippers; good food x many meals, all the miscellaneous items and most importantly (& irritatingly) cab fare!

That said, I spent a fucking 60bucks on cab fare for the past two days.
First it's the midnight charge when we book out.
Then the next day I was 'late', so chiong down to downtown solo by cab (only to reach first).
Then the next day cab home from NTU,
Then that night needa rush off to book in; thought no peak hour on Sat, but reality is always cruel; I was wrong.
Knn. So that sums up to more than $60. -.-

--

Talking bout book out. It's really the record; the latest so far:
11pm! WTF.
And news is this week will be the same, if not later! WTH.

But so far the past few weeks had been rather relax.
Just hanging around in camp with mostly admin stuff to do.
But tough times are arriving soon!
All Out to Brunei! Fierce.

--

Fierce. LOL!

--

That's quite a nice description for this morning's AHM actually.
But I walked quite a bit (more than half, or 12km to be exact), so it's okay for me.

And that reminds me of the stupid dinner, which many of us forgot to have before booking in last night (cause the timing is too early at 1900!!!)
Then we had the permission to order macs; just to know we cant rush it before lights out, so mission abort. Even until 2200, stomachs were growling, people complaining. LOL. So we all look forward to breakfast. At 2am, the cookhouse was dark and there was no sign of life. How's there gonna be food?!?! So there came the bananas and snicker bars and 100plus; sabas. Sabas.
THEN, when we reach the running ground, there's Old Chang Kee! and so, many of the excited soul (or ghost, hungry ones, that did last minute shopping before the last day ends and the door close) rushed to the stall to buy food. And the got themselves more than food, they got extras. LOL. sad life. HAHA.
As for me, I'm lucky cause I was early; early birds get the worms. =]=]
But one curry puff weren't enough (enough to make my stomach unhappy during the run though), so after everything ended, theres nothing more important than making the stomach happy once again. Spamming, is an understatement. Ha.

--

That applies to my shopping spree today as well.
Satisfied. =]=]

Book in soon!

WTF!
It's a Saturday;
and people are enjoying their long weekends from yesterday's holiday.
And me?
I just reached home, and I'm getting ready to book in.
-.-

How come?!?!

It's either I'm having lesser free (bored) time at home;
Or I'm getting tired of blogging;
Or my life is just getting less and less interesting.

I think it's all 3;
that's why I'm not blogging as often and frequent anymore.

No Shitting On Saturdays!

New regimentation.

39.8

Today's a Saturday morning and I'm waking up on my own bed; not the bunk one!
Ha. It's the first time after 31 days that I'll skip seeing my army friends for a day.
(And first time after so long I took a bus home cause I feel the pain of PEAK HOURS surcharge. LOL)

Friday book out rocks. =]

So, the week thats past is a rather short one;
there being no major event for the week makes it even slacker.
But it's still really happening, at least for me.

--

We tried to squeeze 4 men onto 2 beds because we find 3 men not challenging enough;
but of course, we failed. LOL. And now they are thinking of joining one more bed together so that it'll be 4 men 3 bed. One conclusion: Damn gay. HAHA.

--

I fucked one of my good friends for no good reason. Boom, and I went off, !@#$%^&*.
Actually there is a reason, but it's really stupid. Ha. The main factor is because I was down with fever, HIGH fever. Ha, but anyway. sorry bout it bro! =]

--

And I never like reporting sick. So I happily went out of camp with the coy for gas chamber (which I didn't manage to do. -.- ), only to feel like shit even before I got a feel of the tear gas. So I reported sick there. And I was casua-vac back to camp by a speeding Mercs.

39.8degree PLUS 5hours of continuous IV PLUS shivering in an air con room with no blanket; no fun at all. But with my shear will, no Attend C was given cause I recovered before they discharge me. =]=]
And there comes my first status. And first activity missed.

--

Seriously, whatever happen, don't get status; it sucks.
Yellow band sucks!

3-men-2-bed

Life in Battalion is getting more and more awesome!
Less mind fuck, less punishment and more fun!!!
(Though there's still a downside of more extras given out and xiong-er PT. HAHA)

It's such a nice feeling to know that your commanders have positive impression of you and give you advantages that not every one enjoys.
But at the same time, pressure is pilling up. Especially so when you know you don't want them to feel disappointed, yet at the same time cannot be too garang to prevent displeasure among your mates. It's just impossible, I realised.
But things are good back in bunk;
relationships between fellow bunkmates are improving as we understands each other better (other than some inconsolable cases), and the bonds are growing strong!

I've really enjoyed life in the past few weeks, no matter how maggoty it seems to others. And I'm anticipating things to be greater and crazier!
Good days ahead. =]=]

Especially when you know that the next few weeks will be shorter (5- then 4-day weeks ahead!). XD

--

42 more days to Brunei;
75 more days to Red Beret!!!

Drifting

See, evidence that our lives are drifting away from each other.
Come back!
LOL.

28th August

So important it was,
so empty now.
It's just another day.
First time after 7 years running,
I'm here without you now.
So empty.

Happy Birthday.

Not a bad weekend at all

Yesterday after booking out went down to AMK hub to meet BP and Kangster to catch up.
BP broke up with KH, but not really surprising.
Then he went to meet his friend while Kang and I went to Beach road to get some army stuff. Kino at Bugis Junction next where Sambang joined us briefly before the two of them head off for Expandable with Alex and Junyang.
Left me alone there for more than an hour cause CB decided to come late, which ended up damn early cause the girls changed the timing. After that HW reached and the 3 of us slacked at Marble Slab for DAMN long. Girls late as usual. -.-

Dinner was at some Jap restaurant for buffet to celebrate Lydia's birthday!
It's been a relatively long time since we last met the girls.
And seems like our life's gonna drift quite a bit now that their school has started or starting soon.
But then I guess we'll still have our occasional meeting on Saturday, right?
Ha, okay, not like they'll come here.

Missed another week to movie with Calene once again. Sorry!
Haha. Wait for my Friday book out la! Lol.

Today was rather dull.
Went down to Sim Lim Square with bro to get his gf's laptop fixed.
Mum's been bugging me if bro's got a new gf, and I'm not supposed to tell the truth.
Haiz. It sucks.
Nvm, wish him luck...

And now!
It's dinner time before I head for my "Home" once again.

Now this place in Hougang feels more like a hotel than my Home,
but I definitely look forward to come back here.
NS taught me a lot of things,
and the most important one is to understand the importance of my real home.
I love it, hell lot.
And I'm not ready to leave it any time soon;
Not when my parents are always waiting for my return.