Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 .

BBQ+Steamboat's starting in 4 hrs' time; everything's ready.

Last night was a Clubbing-turn-KaraOK

The previous was Mahjong+Soccer+Alvin's

The one before was blah blah blah.

My nights are bright; at least out of my room, that is so.

My days are dark; but never the literal meaning.

Everyday seems to past by so fast when you wake up when others are going home from work
and sleeps when people reports for it.

Partier's life!

But it'll soon all end.

I really wonder where my enthusiasm all went.

I will survive!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Maze

I feel a little lost now.

I'm just good at screwing things up.

I suck.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

CelebrationZzz.

Once again, the usual foam spraying, human traffic and sms clashes.

That usually marks the last few hours of the 24th and the young morning of X'mas.

Yep, you guessed it.

I went over to town.

Nothing much to talk about,

just some reminders:

1) Never allow your GF to land in town area on the countdowns
2) Man, watch out for gays
3) Sometimes the tamed mermaid at home can turn into a fierce fox. Watch out.
4) It's the festive season, enjoy!
5) Especially for those going into the army, ENJOY!

MERRY X'MAS!

Yes, Thanks giving day was like one month ago, and the intro to that supposed entry is still in my draft; I've yet to think of the penning of the contents though they're all in my mind.

It's the season of giving.

Give whatever you have that you can and probably should, perhaps, even must.

Perhaps, this is the last X'mas you have;

never live in regret, much less to die with it.

We're all born without it; Jesus too.

Merry merry Christmas.

Friends

God is never fair.

Some people have got many friends, while some have little or handful.

Some people have got a dozen of close and special friends, while some have none.

--

When someone whom is just your normal friend treats you as his/her best friend,
what goes on in your mind?

Start to feel proud that even a normal friend to you treats you like god?
Feel guilty because you have perhaps missed certain friendship you should have treasured?
Or feel sad due to the simple fact that you think you are not committing enough for the status quo?

Perhaps that's how the world functions.

Some people misread their friends and treat the wrong ones as their buddies.
Some people take things for granted and never express (or even attempt to express) their gratitudes.
Some people treats everyone with equal importance and therefore ends up with many close friends.
Some just don't have any of those above. Innocent as you may call it. Lonely I'll say.

--

Well, just random reflections.

Nothing to do with whatever close/special friends I've acknowledged!

--

Good night; but before you turn in, thanks those you think or may not think, but still, you should.

Because it's the season of giving.

Don't owe anything to anybody unnecessarily.

Merry Christmas every one!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Fullest

I've been living life to the fullest these few days, well, almost.

I've improved:
mentally (to be more mature),
spiritually (to be more self-aware),
physically (to be stronger),
emotionally (to be cooler), and
virtually (to dream better dreams)

I think the last of all is the most important.

One who sleeps easily and soundly is the one that enjoys higher quality of life.

Perhaps mine was never meant to be of such high standards, but I want to make it happen.

Sleep well, Sleep peacefully...

Among all. this's really the toughest.

--

I'm sure there are people out there that are the same as me.
Whom thinks a lot on and off bed, but more so when everything is still and quiet.
This sucks; the more you can't get to sleep, the more you think, and the more you can't get to sleep. Some stupid cycle.

Insomnia as we call it.

It's about the stress, the pressure, the reality checks, the negative feedbacks, the ugly encounters, the critical comments, the sarcastic remarks, the nature of life...

Everything and anything in the universe.

But it's the strongest thing in this world that triggers these everything; the root cause: the Thoughts.

Sometimes I'm rather glad to have a brain that ensures me a not-so-bright-but-probably-stable-and-well-to-do-future; and sometimes I grumbles about it being insufficient; not enough to match the elites, not enough to let me earn the kind of money I've always wanted to earn, not enough to satisfy myself, not enough to make me happy....

Well, yes, more of the latter than the former; who is contented with a 'not bad' future. We want the best, huh.

But I think the capacity is smtimes not as hateful; it's the activity, the frequency that it works and re-works. I won't say that mine is definitely the most hardworking ones, but I bet it's one of those that works to its fullest.

Because I never fail to have insomnia.

At least it's getting better; I won't give up...

--

Well on a lighter note, I was listening to my MP3 while reading this morning (as in 4am). A decision to walk down the lane gave me the impulsion to switch on SHS's songs to listen.

Now I realise at last the triggering factor for the breakup.

Their songs are really meant for emo kids: Hans, HC, Jul, and yes, me (but in the past)

I can't take it, and switched it off.

It gives me the fullest of emotions, except negative.

I used to embrace and indulge in emo-ness.

But I think it's rather brainless to dwell over an issue and be sad over it when life still has to go on and it could potentially move on faster/lighter/happier and most importantly more purposefully. There's too much external cost involved to consider that other alternative. Emo-ness are not one thing that aids you, neither to the people around you. It destructs you.

If you people are still out there thinking that it's something trendy and cool and makes you the centre of attraction; even when you are only conversing with one other friend, stop it, it's childish.

You have to live you life to the fullest, be optimistic.

(this's for me, before I lose myself to the emo world; a reference point; a starting point. I wanna stay true to my philosophy, but I may lose the battle. But now, I can only tell myself to not give up...)

I won't. I've grown, seriously. I know.

--

On an even lighter note; I'm becoming stronger, leaner.

Fullest; opposite. I haven been eating till I'm full, much less fuller, much less fullest.

I've been surviving on 2meals per day. and exercising every night.

It's cool, to see the improvement; to see the progress...

I'll keep it up,

because I won't give up.

(mental crumbs; useless rumbs)

Fast track

Life's getting dull and boring, but it's moving fast at the same time.

Perhaps what we long yearn to have is not what we really want.

Escapade.

But an imaginary one.

Maybe there isn't smth that really allows us to escape from all these.

Oh well.

We never should have escaped.

Just face it.

--

I have 45 more days of freedom/boredom/.../... ...

Saturday, December 19, 2009

M-S-end

Smth's wrong w my MSN!!! WTF. eBuddy sucks. Zzz.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Regrettable.

I was at the video of our semi finals this year.

It's really the Moment of the Year. Even till now, there are so much memories about how it all ended. Emotional, I must admit.

No fears, only tears.
No acts, only sweat;
dripping down the memory lane...

When I looked at it,

Everything seems anew, everything seems still.

My heart still beats as fast
My mind still operates as clear
My soul still fights as hard

Or perhaps there weren't sufficient in the first place, or not we may not have lost.

Everything doesn't matter now. Even back then, we weren't supposed to have any hard-hit feelings; it's the process that matters, isn't it? I guess I've really learnt a lot a lot, from this team that now seems to break into smaller and smaller fragments.

It's perhaps a regret.

Both the team and the game.

Perhaps. It all shouldn't have ended this way.

--

But life doesn't seem to favour 'perhaps',

Perhaps because there's always a lesson to learn from every regret that leads to us using the word 'perhaps'.

Perhaps you should have learnt it long ago because you've seen so much and experienced so much in life.

But perhaps you don't want to regret.

Perhaps you're right.

--

But I disagree.

Lines

I always wanted to post a one-liner

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Nothing

You are nothing.

Because Nothing's there for you to fear.

--

If you have it,

it is you.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

30th

Nothing special except for this being the 30th post.

Though 15th's always a special day for me.

oh ya, Happy Birthday YCP! haha.

too lazy to sms you since you're in Msia, shall do it here though you'll not see.

It's the thought that counts mah.

Anyway. got a letter from MOE, wow! EAGLES award!

but guess what, they're giving off vouchers. -.-

Alright, better than nothing.

Ha. and I wasn't tempted to bet on soccer, shall seriously stop it.

Wonder why my sticks are finished so fast nowadays. Somehow. Hmmm...

And yes, I haven't been drinking excessively nowadays!

Good and positive start. =]=]

Anyway. went to work today, kinda free money. Thurs again! Dunno if I really want to go.

But consider the R. Yes, I willlllll. Zzz.

Oh! Interview was alright, the atmosphere was what I wanted.

but perhaps due to the lack of sleep, think my answering sucks, so, pray to god.

then again, they don't support what I wanna study, so.... Hmmm.

Nvm. one step at a time.

Yes!

Optimistic man!

Tmr's gonna be a hard day, literally.

Going to gym and run! I wanna swim too..... but too bad.

Ha, kinda look forward to Thur's outing, maybe one of the last few with jw.

Before the nation calls on us. (him first actually)

RUN RUN RUN!!! =]=]

Monday, December 14, 2009

Scholar-ship

Yep!

Tmr might be just the start of my new journey in life!

Or maybe it'll just end off as a stepping stone;

Or perhaps just a passing event.

Whatever, I'm excited!

So much that I can't really get to sleep now
even after I went to run my 2.4 + intervals

Before that was cutting of hair and dinner with Tracy!

Not bad a hair cut though.

Oh, did I mention that I have got work tmr after the interview?

And I'm feeling the sore in my legs now.

My oh my. Bad choice.

Nvm. I'm gonna do it!

For the big 'R' that every one has to shoulder.

Ahh. Now that I think of it, last night's talk with jw really added on more R for me to burden.

Not that I don't have them initially, just that I didn't managed/bothered to realise them.

Ram. Ran+Rhap.

Haha. Found it by accident. =]=]

Ciao.

Body-cock

Screwed up.

Holiday just did that to my body clock.

Wellzz.

It doesn't matter anyway.

I guess; sometimes.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Reds

Yup.

That sort of mark the end of my bettings this week, and it all ended in tragedy.

So, went over to Jingwei's for the match. Caught some superb (arguably) actions.

It was supposed to be the focus, but it shifted.

The night ended with a sweet H2H talk with Mr. Lim.

Life reflection, indeed.

So many things that happened really brightens up my life, both ways.

Colours; how many of those do we need to say that it's 'colourful'?

How many more of those do I need, to make no regrets?...

No matter what, perhaps I'll need some wings.

Naggy

Women are seriously naggy.

I thought only mums in the world are likedat.

Didn't expect ALL females to be so.

Perhaps that's how the world's made to be.

That's why I hate those meetings.

Period.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Perfect.

I was running just now.

On my way back, I was thinking how perfect I really am,

to actually want a perfect girlfriend.

I am totally not, not even near.

I know that, but why didn't I act accordingly? Why didn't I do what I THINK I should?

Who out there is willing to be my Tracy?

I doubt any.

I guess I was asking for too much, not you.

Perhaps we are already what we should be, or even more,

just my perfectionist mindset playing a fool on me.

I've totally overlooked your giving, your sacrifices, you love for me...

Perhaps, now that I think of it, the cause more than the reason.

Resiponsibisilisity.

HUGH word.

Of course, now that I'm just a commoner without any positions, there isn't much responsibility I have to uphold.

But then again. I'm a debtor. HUGH hugh word.

With the hugh amount of debt I've incurred, there is definitely the responsibility to repay them. Right, right? RIGHT.

That would also mean I have to work extra hard to earn, on top of my daily expenses, the money to repay these debts.

That, at the expense of my X'mas and New Year and weekends. Perhaps, hopefully not, my girlfriend too.

Haiz. I'm not particularly a man of principal. But I do understand the need to pay off these favours before I enter my NS days. That's the due date I set for myself though.

Anyway. end of my random ranting. I've got totally no idea why I posted all these. But then again, no one sees. Ha!

But anyway. I'm sorry. I really am.

Not being able to spend the festive season with your loved one is definitely the last thing anyone would one.

But owing favours for too long is one of the last thing I want too.

I know, I suck, especially as a boyfriend.

I'm sorry Tracy.

Hope you'll understand.

I've been prompting you to be
mature.

I know, I suck.

But love me, alright. Because I love you.

Perhaps the reason more than the cause.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Lacklustre

That's what made me give up on the Compass test this mrn.
Not really the triggering factor (that has got to be the alcohol)
but it does play a major part.

So, yes. I ponned it, withdraw again.

Don't think I'm cut out for it anyway.
Hopefully I won't regret. Jiayou, my bro!
You should be able to fulfil your dream with one less intense competition. LOL
jkjk.

Yup. so I met BP instead. Heard some comments about Tracy for her prom; positive, gladly.

Then went to 313@Somerset and Orchard Centre. Nothing much, just another new mall.
Higher ends one.

Oh, by the way. brought two new formal shirts for my interview. Lucky I've prepared.
Phew.

Anyway. so many people are leaving.

Bon Voyage to Grace!
Bon Voyage to Kang/Gary/Janice/Huidan!
Bon Voyage to Py!

Wellz. everyone get to go.

I'm not really jealous. I'm gonna conquer the world, just later.

Mark my words.

Be serious.









Alright. I'm kidding. I just wanna go round it. =]

And enjoy.

That means more money.

That means I needa do well for my interview on Tues.

That means I'm gonna pray enthusiastically.

That means you have to wish me good luck too!

=]

Ciao.

No more lacklustre. NO MORE!

You have to move it

Yes.

Indeed.

You're not the perfect fit for her, neither is she for you, in my opinion.

Move it. You have to.

Don't worry. there are more to come.

She's definitely not worth it.

Move it, alright? =]

But wait.

You do are allowed to cry. Cry to your heart's contend.

Get some loser tears, because those that don't have it are the real losers.

And vent some fucking anger, because those that don't will not end up sober.

Keep moving!

But I think I can't, I just keep getting stuck.

Everything.

It always comes back to my head.

I don't mean everything else.

Yes. It's the A almighty level.

Darn it.

I seriously have to move it.

MOVE IT!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Prom-anade.

Class dinner was alright, more of a day specially made for HC and JY. lol. wish you two all the best, though I don't think it's the perfect match.

Wellzzz, nothing's perfect.

Post-prom was near it. Totally wild and crazy. Even Tracy was too.

Ha! Don't think we'll have it that often, so it's kinda a once-in-a-lifetime.
(Exaggerated)

Met so many people, and really danced loose.

Lucky I didn't missed it, if you did. Too BAD!!! L.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Urge

I realise blogging is like talking to myself, no one gets to see this anyway.

If anyone ever see this, perhaps it'll soon disappear. So, if you're secretly peeping into my private life, don't let me get you.

Anyway. I've so many things that's better left untold, and even more that's not even supposed to be known by any. Nothing much of a surprise here.

--

Suddenly have the urge to pen down my thoughts in Chinese; not surprising, again.
Not like I have to prove my Chinese (no one sees anyway), but just felt that it'll express my thoughts better.

But I think I'll refrain from it. Lest it gets lengthy and emotional.
We'll see. We'll wait.

--

Perhaps I should start imagining virtual friends that'll read my blog, so that I won't be seemed as though I'm talking to myself, but instead to these friends.

Will I soon go crazy?

I want to talk to nobody! Zzz

==

Totally random.

Ciao

1st12w

First December Week.

Everything went past so rapidly, so many things happened, and I haven stopped for a single day! Though it did paused.

It was the boring work on the weekends, but money is seriously what I needed and still need.

Monday was no blue, went URA for their talk, almost late. Learnt abit of their functioning, nothing much worth noting. Orchard, Far East, Bugis and home sweet home. It was kinda a VJ day. met darren/gab at Far East, xr/friend at BJ, then finally s51guys at Bugis street. Shopping spree! was supposed to accompany her to buy her prom stuff, but it ended up with me doing most of the spending. went home shag and tired. Prepared for my essay test on today. Anyway. Happy birthday Shir, and Bye Kit.

Then came tuesday, woke up late in noon time after late night talks over msn; went over to URA, just on time! Did the test, not quite what I prepared for, but managed to crab out some lobsters. ended and went Bugis again to collect the stupid jeans. Tracy's hse was next. hopefully her prom tmr will be a gd one and she'll appear glam! or phunk, as she wants it to be. haha. tmr's class outing for me! Anyway. Happy Birthday Daph.

Taunt between post-dinner activities / join post-prom (Aj/Vj) / go home sleep and prepare for the Compass test the next day.

Oh wellzzzzzzzz.

Friday's another mental-taunting day. decisions. I wanna go! but I should not, morally. What a di. Zzz.

Weekend will be filled with work again!

Haiz. I feel so sucky whenever she ask me to go somewhere more luxurious for dinner. WTF. I cant even satisfy her. Zzz. Plus I have a whole assload of debts waiting for me to whip. Work Work Work.

How to make Singapore a better place to live, work and play in?!?!

Leave it to fate lor.

Envious. .

I secretly envy everyone around me.

No one is perfect; but to me, everyone is near it, except me.

I may hate him for his insensitivity, but he emits a charm I've never seen before; he allows things to be clear; aims, targets, directions... No matter what, he who leads me, gave me.

I don't like her frankness, but everything else is so mesmerizing; what else, emotionally, can you get from others that she don't offer.

I despise their closeness, simply because there is no group of friend I'm so close to that allows a common blog; I simply have too many secrets here and there.

I don't like the way they express themselves, often exaggerative; but the kind of calmness and stability that the few of them exhibit is something I doubt I'll ever attain.

I hate her flirtatious order, but she is simply irresistible. There are so many negatives about her, perhaps because of our time together that exposed everything; but love is definitely non-matter, illogical.

We should never compare, I was told. But who doesn't?
Competition conceives efficiency. Without comparison, who'll improve?
But then again, there is no guarantee of improving even with that. Losers don't, for one.

I'm part of that one, I guess.

Oh well.

Negatives.

I seriously gotta get rid of that.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Holidaze

This hol's crazier, livelier, richer, busier, etc etc.

But I'm much less driven than I expected myself to be.

Oh well, which holiday did I work up to expectations.

It's good to be 18!

And this first 18-already holiday rocks!

More to come!

Or will the joy die out?...

I hope otherwise! =]

Anyway. It's so much fun that I'm starting to feel the reluctance to move on.

Inertia I guess.

Come on! I still have to go through the life-grilling Commando training!

I will SURVIVE!!! I CAN do it!!!

Believe me, I can. I swear.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Letting loose

Last night was crazy, last night was fun, last night was wild, last night was enjoyable, last night was unforgettable......

How I wish every night can be spent like this.

I finally understand why people, especially the rich, indulge in such activities.
It's simply overwhelming and irresistible. It's addictive.

My oh my. What am I doing?!?!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Blogging

Boredom brought me here once again.

I was clicking through the 'Next blog' thingy and realise that most of the blogs that they brought me to were corporation-based or were at least set up for certain agenda and/or causes. The themes are always so clearly defined, so much so that you know at once whether you would wanna read on.

Whereas the blogs that we commonly see our friends and ourselves have here are so self-centred and narrow and perhaps, boring comparatively.

It's an advertisement tool for them, but a channel for us to express ourselves.
I wonder what the world is like over at the other side of the sphere. Exciting I guess.

This just makes me think that I'll forever be the ignorant brat stuck in this small little pee-hole. (I don't mind actually, if not there need be for otherwise)

No matter how exciting life seems here, I bet it's nothing compared to the other world.

By 'other world' it means not only elsewhere, but elsewhen as well.

I wonder how life will be in future... Exciting I guess.

Late night

I seriously should cease all my late night activities and start concentrating on my task at hand!

Perhaps certain things that I do are clearly reflected in my everyday life
- Irrationality.

When can I ever come to my senses?

Never mind. Eluding myself once in a while is healthy.

Ciao. Muddy world.

Drinking!

Drink Drink Drink and Drink!

Life totally sucks without alcohol!

Mine rocks! TTM.

LOL.

More to come!

Wasting time.

OK. I now officially have got a 2 years break from formal education.

After the official end of A levels, went on for class outing.
Lunch and caught 2012 at Tampinese, ended at 8plus, followed by a walk-about at T1

Headed home to meet Rex, only to find my room being used for Mahjong again.
So, went down for a drink. Went off early for he need to work the next day.

Was supposed to go for training the next morning, but insomnia plus the comfort of my bed proved too great an inertia, so slept my morning away.

Met my girl in the afternoon to 'accompany' her while she studies, but ended up sleeping (again). Ha!

Then, Macus came over to fetch me (half an hour late). Headed home for the much anticipated MAHJONG session!

Jingwei came to substitute after Mac have to go. Played till 12am, won 3 bucks. Chinboon was the main contributor.

Wonder when will be the next mahjong session. I really enjoy engaging in such anti-social activities, just the feeling of being insane, speaking rubbish, behaving crazily. It's an irrational game to begin with...

Slept after some time on the TV. Woke up late morning, breakfast-ed, then went off to accompany dear dear for lunch. And back home now, blogging and reading up for my essay test and interview.

I don't really expect to get this scholarship, neither do I really wanna get it. It'll really be a dilemma should I get it eventually.

Sometimes, life's really full of gamble, obvious and indirectly.

Less of risk-taking, but really betting on chances.

Hoping against hope.

Ahh. Anyway. Dull activities, but at least now that we no longer have to strive hard and slog our ass off for exams, we get free time to do things that we wanna do and enjoy doing!

Dinner later at Compass in 2 hours' time!

Ciao.

Next blog

After all these years of using blogspot, have you ever thought where you will be lead to when you press on the 'Next blog' button?

It may be a corporation selling services, or a journalist posting his opinions on certain world affairs, or an official blog for a governmental officer, or just an ordinary person living in Pakistan, or a terrorist's blog set up to write his last words before his suicidal bombing attempt, or maybe it's a blog of a long lost friend of yours.

I've clicked on that connective button several times.

It brought me all over the world, across all language, all religion, all race, all age.

Try it when you're bored, it's definitely an eye-opener.