Alcohol.

I was so damn drunk last night that I don't even know how my underwear came off through the night. LOL. Wonder what Weilun did to me. HAHA. Lydia's wake up call didn't manage to wake us up too and so, yet another training trip missed. This is seriously one of my most wasted experience. So wasted that I don't even remember what happened after lying on the bed, this is the first. I don't know why did I end up drinking so much, but I do know that there're many things going on in my head. I didn't make them known, because I think they are all so minute that they shouldn't be mentioned. But well, guess all these problems will just disappear some day. Wonder how will we feel when we recall these problems that we have 10 years down the road. Will we still hold the same regret, feel the same agony and bear the same grudges; or will we find it childish and naive. Why do we always have so much things to worry about... Can't we all just settle for being an average Joe; just be yourself, the ego-free self, then perhaps you can be problem-free.

Perhaps, only alcohol has the ability to do it.

Thunderstorm.

Yep! I'm back from Tekong!
No no no. Not that I'm booking out for the first time; I'm back from my field camp!!!
Haha.

It was indeed an interesting trip and I've learnt a lot and enjoyed even more from it. Wanted to blog about the individual trainings, but I was told that I'm not allowed to. So, too bad! Of course, it's definitely tiring, and worst still, we weren't allowed to book-out during the weekend after the field camp (i.e. yesterday, which we were told to be the book out day). But luckily there's scholarship and university applications, that's why I'm here! Though it's barely 4 hours, it's enough I guess (I hope).

Anyway, the following few weeks' gonna be easier and faster since POP is in 16 days' time. Hmmmm. Looking forward to it.

Which course to go?!?!?!?!?!?

Ah. talking bout courses, what I'm referring to is the army one lah! -.-

Sidetrack a bit, Julynn's got uni offers already! Hmmmm. Gonna check it out from her next time we meet. Ha.

Alright. Gotta book-in le. See you soon, world!

Hesitated.

For one moment, I hesitated. Wondering if what I've wanted is the right choice.

But I've decided to make a decision; never mind it being a mistake, at least I had a say in my life this time. I'm doing what I like.

And yes, so I did it!

Applied for Civil Engineering and Economics in NUS as my first choice. And Mathematics and Economics in NTU.

Shall apply for their scholarship programmes next week!

I'm a happy man. =]

Substitutes.

Who are my substitutes. Who are not.

Who am I substitute of. Who am I not.

Which is the real me. Which is not.

Which of you is true to me. Which is not.

Results (2)

Zzz. I realize everyone's getting about the same kind of result as me.

Haiz. I wanna do so many things, but I'm neither here nor there.

I'm just so common among the others. And I'm at the rock bottom when placed among the elites.

I wanna pursue my dreams; but will I be given that kind of chances? Or have my luck been used up already? On top of that, do I have that kind of caliber?

Haiz. I'm not trying to say that having good results is bad, nor am I saying that it's useless. I've accepted it gracefully, and thanked all that had given me the well wishes. But I think every man is greedy. We all want more out of what we have.

I wanna do more; and I think I need more.

I am happy, not because I get the desired score, but because I got more than what I intended to get, which is less of what others expect. So, am I really glad about it?

I don't know the answer.

Looking all around, many are crying and regretting. So, do I really have the right or moral conscience to post out this entry?

I don't know what's right now. But I think I just wanna shout it out in this personal space of mine.

--

I want more. I surrender myself to the greed and indulge in the temptation to think that I could have done better. I want more.

And now I can only pray that what little I have with me now is enough to fulfill my greed, to allow myself to do much more, even if it's a mistake. Even if it's wrong.

Results.

Of course, I mean the big A.

I don't know what I should feel. I know I'm not exactly happy about it, because it's definitely not enough for me to get a good scholarship, which I need badly to finance my further studies.

But I can't complaint more; many people are doing much worse than their expectations and deserving, while I got more than what I should have gotten and many people I guess are hating me.

When we get grades that were above our expectations, the greed within us will always make us ponder on the question of it not being the perfect score.

That's what's happening now. I wasn't even expecting some distinctions, but after getting it I find it a pity that I missed the top student just by few grades. Of course there's still an element of disappointment; who would want to flop for the subject that you mugged the hardest? But what more can I ask for?...

THE day.

Yeah. Tomorrow will be THE day! Judgement day! D-Day!!!

Lol. Of course, I'm not talking bout the parents engagement crap for my camp.

IT'S THE RELEASE OF A'LEVELS RESULTS!!!

Ha. Good luck to all! =]