Why am I even here?

Many times we ask ourselves what we live for; what's the purpose of my life in this place I call home, taking up energy and given the chance ahead of many more unfortunate souls. 

Then we think of how we wanna study, change the world, create the next generation, save the environment, give back to the society etc etc...

--

Today I went home, and my mum was sick. (Fate, I must say, is quite eerie... I actually met her on my bus journey home) I took out one afternoon to go home just to interview her for my Singapore Studies module assignment and she ended up having sore throat. I really don't have the time to come home another time after she recovers... In fact, I don't even know when will she recover! 

--

Fast-forward, we were having supper at macs after finally settling hall points allocation. We suddenly talked about my interview with my mum and all the hilarious scene of her childbirth to my sis that I can only imagine from her words. It was kind of awkward as we've never really talked about this before; coming from a pretty conservative family. I told then I've never said "I love you" to my mum, not in my living memories... Then someone asked: "have you never kissed your mum? Or maybe even just a hug?" 

--

Sore throat didn't matter...

While I still don't know what Earth and the human race needs me here for, I do know I have at least one purpose here that is to fulfill my duty as a son. 

My mum (and dad) probably had already figured out what they are living for: us...

Perhaps people in the past are less complicated and/or philosophical, but that is really, I guess, the engine that drives many of us forward: family 

Sore throat didn't matter to my mum; I did 

"You're the most suitable"

Not the first time, but I always like it when I am recognized for something I've put in much effort for. 

--

I realize I'm a leadership person, but not a responsibility person...

As a vice-captain in CHS, I lead knowing the team relies on the star players and the captain; as the ACSM in army, I practically controls the whole company, without any official appointment or even rank; in Arts and TH, my captaincy is always foreshadowed by the presence of a coach or senior players and I'm always just a complement; even as Vice President, I manages all the Heads and possibly even the directors without having the need to answer to the superiors or external/internal pressures.

And truth is, I enjoyed every single bit of it all...

--

"You are the most suitable"

Neh, I don't think so, really... I'll probably suck as a central figure.  

Only the leader understand the hardship

I don't even understand why you would wanna "understand" that... Look elsewhere!

Dream diary

I have been keeping one and the dreams I've made are mostly secret. This one, is too heavy to be a secret. 

I dreamt of myself asking Shengyu who our opponents for finals are, and he replied me "Sheares" after we watched their game against Eusoff; presumably their semis (or maybe a friendly?) 

Maybe that's the universe where we weren't in the Group of Death. Maybe that's the universe where we met KR in the semis. Maybe that's the universe where we won the gold medal. Maybe that's the universe where I didn't go home early, empty-handed, on the closing ceremony...

Medal-less

No fancy walkway or pretty wooden doors; but this is where we belong! 

As IHG comes to an end today, school work (and Dance Productions!!!) is gonna take over and speed the clock up again. 

C-blocker; OCIP; OC; JCRC; Basketball. All our official terms are coming to an end as well; it's not the first time we're heading into a break but knowing I won't be here for the later part of the year feels... Exciting yet weird. 

1.75/3.5 - think about it: technically I'm at my halfway mark

*rub rub*

What's this?! You're not supposed to be rubbing your eyes!!

So we didn't win

But really, we are the champion! 

--

I've prepared a victory speech. But guess I should delete it away...

It isn't the fairy tale ending we all expected; but it's not the end of the world as well. 

Life goes on. 

I don't think it's February's fault

But yup, you'll be fine! You had the honour to eat with me rent-free ("rant-free") so you got that going for you which is good! Hahah. 

Till we meet again! :)

Insufficient

Lunch at Watami; swimming at bro's place; dinner with the Vj gang; cards and mahjong back with Jack's friends; lunch with army dudes tomorrow and training at night before semis on Monday. 

It's like I don't have webcast to chase; homework due this week; multiple tutorials; a 28 page reading; and other hall commitments to fulfill. It's like I suddenly had enough... 

It's like I crave for my life back after slogging for the past 3 semesters (ok I do actually have my life and didn't in fact really slogged much......) and maybe all these just because of complacency (meh... So much of it this semester) and perhaps even more because I'm leaving for exchange pretty soon. Which is my point... Pretty! 

Pretty mahjong tiles (that's actually really gay but heck)! Hello Kitty tiles in tatami room! How Japanese can a mahjong session get?! 

Ok not really the point... The point really is: I'm not prepared to leave in 6 month's time... 

If you're gonna make use of her

You're probably not worth her time...

-- 

You don't have to be sorry; they do. 

And I really am happy. I guess it's the first post of yours that I really like (not for the fact that you're angsty, but ya, you know! Hahah) 

Bad student

Best news to wake up to

Small talk

Facebook is a means for acquaintance to become friends and to connect large groups of friends together. 

But having an account itself and liking photos probably ain't gonna help

I blame it all on you

We trailed, we chased, we fought,

Then we squandered, and we lost. 

It shouldn't have happened. And I blame it all on you...

20%!

Cellar door

"Octopus!" 

Can you wait?

I can't...

Upset

And so we lost. Quite convincingly I must say... Both teams played well, but I feel that they wanted the championship more. Perhaps other than long messages and self-blame, what's left is really just regrets and disappointment. Next year, we always say. 

I didn't really feel it. Maybe it was the girls match before it that drained my adrenaline; or maybe it's just because I didn't get to train/play much; or maybe it was all subconsciously expected... 

But anyway, it was really a great team to be in...

Science, bitch

Dye them balls. Lol

Telepathic

Meh, td;lr

All them long messages and words of encouragement... I think they really do express what someone wants to say, but how many of us really actually cares about it. At the most, we read, we agree/disagree, and maybe add on some comments or our own thoughts. How many of us really actually cares about it. "It" being the feelings and the emotions of the writer/speaker. 

--

But actually, I think it's more of a theatric than anything else. At the end of the day, whether we come back dejected or high-spirited don't have much to do with what bullcrap was said. 

Facebook trap

Lol, was stalking this classmate cos he looks damn familiar and accidentally liked one of the photos last year. Well done Jason, well done 

Flap Flap

"A man only live once and the best strategy is always to make the most of it. Success is not the only reason for existence" - Dong Nyugen 

Momo getting in the mood!

"Woof!" *chew chew*

Potato-naaaa

Meh

HIMYM S9E17

Marshall and Lili taught me this; 9Gag did as well...

Paths

It's 2014 and cousins born in the year 2000 and before are all in secondary school: Shou Hong, Shou Hern and Andre will be having their O/N'levels this year; Zordan in Sec 3; and Shou Ren is already in Sec 2.

I still remember how I pushed Shou Ren in the pram and nearly killed him when I accidentally released the pram on a slope; it hit the curb and he fell out as the seat belts weren't on. Good thing nothing happened and there wasn't even any scratches. I still remember the guilt that followed for days, or weeks, or months, or probably even years, until now.

I still occasionally have the weird dream of Aimin being chased by a crawler/digging machine; it's been 17 years since she left us...

--

Our paths crossed, and for those of us still alive, it'll most probably cross again, and for many more times. But time will put an end to it eventually; just like how time started to bless you to become the young adults/teenagers you are today, from the toddlers that I know. Maybe my brother or sister has made such an revelation when I was in Secondary school, but this feeling is really kinda special and weird at the same time. We are probably old (definitely older) now, but many has been in this stage before...

--

And Ah Ma has become weaker from the last I saw her; memories deteriorating; and consciousness becoming blur. We all know she's gonna leave us some time eventually; but I really hope this time never comes

Take care babe!

You're becoming like this! Hahah but yes, I will still be your precious when you become like this ^^