The time you've wanted has ended.
You say you'll tell me the truth.
But I need no reason.
I don't want the truth.
Just give me our future.
I'm still waiting.
--
20th was one of my hardest day in Brunei.
The anxiety. The excitement.
The anticipation.
Everyone was cheering when we touched down.
But I couldn't be bothered.
I've not felt a single bit of relieve even after we check out.
because I know there's something more I want than to go home.
--
But I was crushed;
crashed and burnt,
face smack right down the Earth.
All that I've been hoping for,
they're against hope.
All the future I've been imaging,
they're mere illusions.
All the promises that you've made,
they've evaporated.
I feel lost.
I am devastated.
I've always been holding on to that single thread of hope
that one day you'll return.
I was so confident that we'll never have a true end.
That you belong to me, for eternity.
This feel so fucked up.
Because I've never really lose you before.
Until yesterday then I realize this cold hard fact:
we've ended long ago.
Way before all my hopes were harbored.
You're no longer mine,
you never were.
--
Please just end it
I don't want this to continue anymore
Could you just let me go?
We have ended .
let it go please.
--
I always thought I've convinced myself enough to feel numb about everything.
I always thought I'm enjoying my singlehood; relationship no longer fit into my life style, so perhaps one is better than two.
I always convince my friends that I've gotten over her.
I always enjoy looking back at our conversations and photos, thinking those memories were enough
Truth is:
I was never prepared to let go.
--
I wanted this post to be emotional;
I wanted to churn tears when I read back in future.
Because this day marks the real end between the two of us.
It marks an end to a 7-year long project.
It's a milestone.
But it's really pointless.
All the tears that I'm supposed to shed for you,
I've done my fair share.
Perhaps what people said few years back was true:
you're not worth my time,
much less my tears.
I should have seen that more clearly
before stepping into this maze so tangled up.
--
So this shall be a conclusive post for us,
even though I know more emotional ones will definitely follow.
Right now while I'm still strong, let me tell you:
Thanks.
Thanks for all the time that we've spent together.
Thanks for all the lessons that you've taught me in life and in our relationship.
Thanks for always being there when I needed someone.
Thanks for occupying my otherwise lonely heart for the past few years.
Thanks for being that special one and allowing me to have someone special.
Because I sincerely appreciate them all.
Sorry.
Sorry for always shouting at you when I'm pissed.
Sorry for making you do things that you dread doing.
Sorry for taking up so much of your time; your youth; your freedom.
Sorry for all the times that I've disappointed you.
Sorry for not taking good care of you when I'm supposed to.
Sorry for not being your Mr. Right.
and Sorry, for not being a good boyfriend.
Certain things that have been done cannot be undone.
Memories that have been created will forever be etched in the heart.
Wounds that have been resulted will heal one day.
I know I didn't reply your last message last night.
I really didn't know what's there left to say.
But now I know:
Good luck and all the best.
Good bye;
we shall be strangers from now on,
no need to say hi even when we bump into each other.
I'll feign ignorance,
I'll not feel a thing,
my heart will not skip a beat.
--
You didn't even apologize.
And you actually beg me to let you go.
When did I ever manage to stop you from leaving?
You should have just told me earlier.
And why,
why is it that we can't even be friends?
I guess there isn't really a need to know the reasons.
So long.
Farewell.
