The one thing that drove me nuts when I was a teen was the idea of being put behind bars (which explains why my rebellious acts were usually nothing spectacular) and I barely survived the 8-day confinement in BMT.
But as bonds began to forge, things became less sufferable; I enjoyed my Taiwan ATEC trip and the Thailand bilateral exercise even though they were weeks-long. Then I begin to understand: I don't hate confinement, I hate solitude; I don't love freedom, I love bounded freedom - free to be with who I wanna be with.
Solo tripping further supported this hypothesis: I had total freedom to do whatever the fuck I want with the 2-days of solitude but it felt like life stood still; sceneries became black-and-white; cheap and delicious food I went there for became unappetizing; and all I could think of every single moment was how nice it'll be if you were right there with me...
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The moment I woke up to find myself in an empty room after Han Ni left, I felt a strong surge of homesickness I've never felt in the past 4 months away from home and suddenly, I can't wait for this 6-month holiday "ordeal" to end...
"Humans are just ironic like that"
And also, I miss you so much. You and my family especially, and all my friends.
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I won't dismiss the idea of traveling alone in the future but it'll definitely not be the first thing on my mind when planning a trip. I've learnt something, of course (everyone is supposed to have some takeaway from a solo trip cos it's meant to be time for self-discovery and reflections), though mostly practical know-hows; but the most important thing I've learnt, is that no reason for a solo trip is good enough to not have a companion with me.
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Then again, it might just be a discomfort caused by the fact that I'm thrown into an unfamiliar situation. Maybe I'll grow out of it with experience; maybe I'll start wanting to be with myself more!
