Half a year ago, I was the best. I had everything I wanted and could wish for; confidence was higher than ever. I had all my friends around me, and was making new friends everyday. I had the money I've saved up from army, and taught tuition to earn more. I had lots of time for my family and I get to stay home every night. I worked for the insurance company, and I get to learn so many things I never had. I can afford to spend so much time on the things I love: diving, playing mahjong, learn driving, take up new courses and chill out with friends. I was a commando, a vice captain, an ex-VJ student and I even got a scholarship. Things I was contemplating is about where to get a new tattoo and when to start my backpacking plans. I was looking at adventurous activities from trekking, kayaking, rock climbing to advance diving and even motorcycling. I was carefree; I was at my best.
Now, everything has changed. I'm no longer the me I used to be. I'm worried about my studies, trying to maintain a scholarship that I need, constantly getting demoralized by the lack of skills I have in the sport I used to think I excel in, trying to prove my worth as a boyfriend of one that's such a rare gem, and even trying to prove my very existence in this space and compete for a sense of being in this company that I now live in; and worse, to find time for the friendship and kinship that I treasure so dearly. Juggling the so many things I have to commit and the cruel realities that doesn't stop coming in, I don't even know whether I will breakdown soon, much less to find back the confidence I used to have.
It's not the same anymore. I'm not in my comfort zone anymore...
I have tried so hard to deny, but I can no longer find the positive attitude that I used to exude. I'm just not that good anymore...
