It doesn't matter when I stepped into your studio, your studio mates are telling me about how stressed up you always are; nor when I walk up to A4, every one is just telling me that you are crying yet again; nor even in your room, your roommate is always briefing me about what you're crying about this time round...
But it really does matter, when there's nothing I can do. How much of a failure one is, when everyone just give you the stare as if you're unfit to be a boyfriend cos your girlfriend is never happy; and she even have to act as though nothing has happened in front of you, when the whole world already told you what has happened. Really? You don't intend to tell me anything? But it's true, there's nothing much I can possibly do. I can't help you out with your drawing or attend crits for you; I can't spare you some of my CAP so that you can maintain your scholarship; I can't force you to quit the so many sports and commitments that you insist on holding on to as though they meant your life; I can't convince you to be less tensed up or over-expecting your performance; I can't even stop your stubbornness from joining things that I know very well you will struggle in coping when I have the power to do so.
And when you can't balance the so many things you try to hold on to, you breakdown. What's the point in all these crying just cos you wanna grab everything you think makes you happy? It's not only self-contradictory, it's childish. It's like having all the toys in the world but cries everyday cos you can't play with all of them; but you still want all of them... Life isn't some child's play, and priorities in life are not as simple as choosing which toy you prefers more. There's really no point in holding so many toys in your hands that you end up not having the free hand to play with them. Maybe it's time to let things go, and start being really happy.
Sometimes, giving up, is the happier choice...
No one will blame you for all that you've failed. But someday will come, when the arrow from higher authorities that doesn't want us to be together will shoot towards me; that is the time when everything seems bleak in your life, and I will be sacrificed... What is it that you really wanna give up then?
