That I attended the trainings nevertheless, risking my fucking APA or perhaps even my career. "I think it's down to the fact that you don't have enough trainings" - yes, I agree. I really do.
That I wanna thank you and the team for entrusting me with the responsibility, as a newbie, to row for team 1. I am really really happy that my commitments were recognised, thankfully.
That I am more upset and angry than anyone else that I fucked up the heats. That more than anyone else, I wanted to put in my best in return for the faith and expectations all of you have placed on me. All the hard work and screwing up my career progress. I tried. I fucking did. But I slipped.
That I hate all these expectations because expectations are somehow meant to be exceeded, and I haven't been, or perhaps I never will. I'm fucking mediocre. Stop.
That I'm sorry. We didn't even manage a top 3. I didn't fuck up in the finals - but it wasn't enough.
I thought you should know. I thought.
--
Sometimes I wonder why do we stress ourselves out with these kind of "extra-curriculum activities". Like, if I don't join, I won't be facing all these stress and unhappiness and screw ups.
But then I remembered - these are what makes life liveable; these are what makes us stronger...
