Toughest of times

I am sometimes a sunrise person, and other times, a sunset person; but throughout my life, I've really been more of a midnight person. 

In fact, any time of the day brings out a different side of me; different scenarios pan out in my mind when I look out to the sky and recollects to some events that happened during this kind of sunlight and weather. I believe many people do that anyway, just as I am doing now, on the bus (which is the second best location to reflect on life other than in the toilet, but there's no weather in the toilet so, in this context, bus is the best place for such reflections; also, if there's a reason to not drive, this is it). 

It's almost 4pm now. And I realize, I kinda like it. Might have been something to do with the heat in Italy during the days spent with Ms Blur or the lack of sun in my six months in Sweden that makes me appreciate this weather, but it's quite unusual, isn't it? I mean, this is the most trying of time in a day: work and motivation both die down, everyone's waiting for the clock to hit 5, energy from lunch is waning off and dinner is not anywhere in sight, even the weather's usually unpredictable (heh!) at this point in time at the equator. 

But I figured, really, that's the lure. It's this time of the day after most of the productive day has past, when regrets, guilt, or a sense of accomplishment sets in; when there's still the one or two more hours to salvage the situation for some saving grace before a day worth of life comes to waste; or alternatively, when there's still some time to slow down and smile for the long and efficient day you have had. No matter, it's too early to call. And it's this irregularity and idiosyncratic reaction that's charming... Just like the conventional rain that'll pour anytime soon, life can break out of the routine heat when we prepare for the changes to come and embrace it. And just as how motivation is lost and you find it hard to concentrate on your task at hand, life is about fighting these monsters and battling these challenges. Being an 8am or 6pm or 3am kind of person paint the story about your ideal vision of the world and how it should be; telling yourself you're a 3:30pm kind of person, though, tides you through the toughest of time. 

I fight to face my fear, and while I still hesitate to get my own plate of breakfast before my friends arrive to join me, I'm embracing it. I'm trying to be the 3:30pm kind of person I set out to be. 

Fight, even during the darkest of nights. 

Year 2 me was goddamn smart

Scrolling through my old notes cos I was thinking of taking another philo mod next sem (and Dingkai was showing me a question that was floating around the internet asking "what is there"), and I found my forum response. 

I have no idea how the heck I came up with this. And it sounds like magic to me now. And funniest thing is, I couldn't believe I took this mod two years ago as I have zero recollection of it. ZERO. Oh wellz. Now I remembered. And now I realize I'm so far away from my CAP 5 self after exchange. I need to find the drive again, soon. Soon. 

Also, I've been trying to find this. This is what savaged me from "Heng, you better start participating" (which is still resounding in my head, and the philo mod I wanna take next sem is by the same prof! Exciting) to my eventual A in this mod. Coolshit 

AEC

http://six-six.com/article/asean-establishes-landmark-economic-and-security-bloc

Not matter people will care; at least not those around me. But I'm thinking the eight professions slated to have free movement within the region is gonna affect my many engineering and accounting friends, and most importantly, Ms Architecture. Brace yourselves! 

Reading weak

This is probably the least blogged month ever since this space came about but nothing much is happening in life actually, apart from studies. 

Reading week was normal except now I am a tutor even as I mugged for my own papers. And I realize helping student becomes a little frustrating after awhile, but when I realize they are crunching for time as much as I do, I calmed myself down and replied that 9-question long email, and that 1 hour face to face consultation near midnight, and the staying back after my consultation ended. It really takes much more effort than I thought it would, and I really respect teachers around the world more by being a pseudo one this sem. 

Took some time off studies on Friday to attend a LGBTQ discussion in a nice cozy bar, first time facing this problem so up close and it's really eye opening. Also, the community is so small they realize we're newbies the first moment we entered. 

Saturday was spent camping in library, and as I was scrolling through insta and everyone's overseas, including Ms blur,  I'm like meh, not enticing. Then I saw a friend who I used to hang out pretty often getting married. Not my first friend to do so but wow... And I'm here in the library? Haha 

And Monday: start of papers, end of tutorship. The original story of studying smart goes like this: this is a new mod so there's no past year paper and everyone just randomly mug, but this prof has been teaching another mod that's taught in similar format, so I went to find that mod's past year paper, and turns out, it's really almost exactly the same format. So I was damn prepared compared to the rest who I overheard got owned. 

And so I was so hopeful that I can pull up the lousy midterms with this finals but after some thoughts, I realize I made a few mistakes here and there as well. So I guess in honours year, working smart or working hard individually is never enough...

3 more papers to freedom! 

The end is nigh

This sums up how I have been coping with the many responsibilities this sem 

And yesterday, it all ended. First on Thursday with this milestone in life, hurdling past our first ever public presentation and nailing it 

Then some celebration..

And finally the hell day on the very last day of the semester. And the very last presentation that went terribly wrong. 

But then I woke up this morning and heard about what's happening in Paris and subsequently knowing what's REALLY going on in the world, and I thought all these are going to end but life is still far from it. In fact, life's good. Kinda.