We're carrying out our daily routines: booking in and going for nights out; going ahead with our overseas trip; gathering to watch soccer matches, drink and mahjong together,
carrying our lives on as usual.
But really, something is missing.
I cannot take away the guilt and emptiness in me.
He's not gone.
He's under the same sky as us, living the same world, breathing the same air.
We wake up looking forward to the day and plans for our future;
he wakes up to a constant blur...
All he sees, are bars.
Why?
We have reprimanded him, talked about what happened, asked ourselves if we're at fault and sought the society's forgiveness on his behalf.
But this reality really hit me hard..
What if it's me?
I won't wanna think that my friends are out there gathering, having fun, laughing and enjoying life without me.
I'll break down.
I would have let down so many people, caused so much trouble, trigger so much tears..
Now, he's suffering inside;
We, too, are suffering on the inside.
What are we doing now, when he's lost?
We've smoked together, mahjong-ed on the same table, eaten from the same plate, drank from the same bottle and slept under the same roof for the past one-year plus.
We've been through thick and thins.
Yet, there's so much of him that we never knew.
We have never really understood him,
or perhaps we have never even tried.
Maybe things would have turned out differently if we did...
I'm sorry for this emotional outcry.
The guilt is too strong.
I'm crumbling from within.
Bro, come out soon please.
God bless.
