Poked.

Yeah. I just had my first 'poke' of my life! Ok. not exactly actually, if you count all those for blood test and injections. Today was my first time having IV! And also doing one...

It's weird and... weird. LOL. But it's definitely fun too! You should try it out. HAHA!

Three words.

I realize that when I'm feeling down, my title is always three words or lesser.

Interesting... LOL.

And I did a total of 7 posts within this one hour! Ha.

Walk out.

Sometimes I wonder,

what should I say or do when I see you on the street and we rub shoulders one day.

Should I even nod my head, or just act a stranger.

Why issit that friends are always walking out of my life.

We used to do so many things together but all that's left is memories.

Maybe I'm just fated to always be a passer by in someone else's life;
there's never a permanent spot for me in their mind.

But then why? Why do I remember all the people that pass by my life so clearly, as though they're all etched in my mind? Why isn't god fair enough to let them be just another random person that walk pass me and let me forget them in no time, just like what they're all doing? Why is it so easy to remember things, but not forgetting them...

I don't understand. I seriously don't.

Time will pass.

Staying in camp is a good opportunity for me to forget about civilian life and all my troubles out there.
But I don't wanna be totally detached from the outside world.
I still have friends and family that love me there.
I still miss my freedom...

Anyway. Bro is going off to USA tonight.
I'll be left without a computer from now on. Haiz. Kinda sad.
Not that I don't have a comp now. But I'm gonna lose yet another confidante.
Even though it's only for two months.
Life will never be the same for this 2 months I guess.
So many things's been happening.
And I'm feeling nothing but depressed.

All the above notes are things that I've written on my phone for me to blog when I'm out while I'm in camp. Though I'm feeling a little lighter and happier now, the same kind of sadness still lingers. When I'm out, sometimes I wonder if it's a good thing to not book out. But of course, like I say, I still miss my family and the freedom I have here. Maybe it's just the boredom that kills me out here. Hope this 2 months, in fact, 2 years to be exact, will pass soon.

I really and desperately wants my freedom back.
I wanna be with my parents, whose age is catching up fast.
I wanna be with all my friends, who all seem to be drifting away with their own private life.
I wanna be in my house, that seem all so unfamiliar to me now.

But maybe I'll just get use to the life in there one day.
Just that it won't be any time soon I guess.

Stay happy.

When your mind and heart stay happy, then it'll always be a great day no matter where you are and what you are doing.

Perhaps so.

Sometimes you are just used to having her around that's why you feel like you can't live without her. But maybe you don't even love her anymore and there is no point holding on to nothing right? Not easy giving up someone you have for so long but maybe time will prove that it's not love.

--

Stop acting like your relationship prob or whatthefuckever is a great deal.

--

Perhaps. You are all right.

Ceased.

I would like to stop our relationship for the time being. Please do not contact me for the next half a year. We will cease our relationship for half a year. Take care of yourself. Hope everything will go well for you. Thanks and regards, xxxxx.

--

Why ask me to take care when you obviously don't care. You just want me to fuck off. I will, and obviously I'll take care. My heart may stop pumping upon your leaving, but my world doesn't cease it's working, my existence doesn't cease in the worlds of people who still loves me.

How do you supposed everything will be well for me when you're gone. We haven't been as important to each other as we had been, and the feeling's faded. But how is it easy to forget someone you've been so used to having for the past 7 years.

Why say thanks to me, when I didn't have a choice to make; when I couldn't voice out the objections I wanted to. I've never granted you the permission to leave, don't thank me, you're doing it on your own accord.

Don't send me regards, when you don't even regard my existence as important anymore. We are mere strangers now.

--

I tried so hard to salvage even the simplest remains of what we could have. But you tried even harder for things to progress on the opposite track. There's nothing I can do, except to let you drift out of my life.

Goodbye my lover.
Take care of yourself.
Hope everything will go well for you.
Thanks and regards, Jason.

Hold on.

Hold on to what is good,
even if it's a handful of earth.

Hold on to what you believe,
even if it's a tree that stands by itself.

Hold on to what you must do,
even if it's a long way from here.

Hold on to your life,
even if it's easier to let go.

Hold on to my hand,
even if I've gone away from you...

Thanks blog.

You've been the one to walk me through lonely times.
You've been the one I'll turn to whenever I'm down.
You've been the one for me to share all my emotions.

When I need you, you'll always be there.

But dear blog, no matter what, you're never living.
You've never responded to my happiness, nor console me on my sorrows.
You're never my friend.

My friends may not always appear at times when I need them.
But they'll still be by my side when I call on them.
My friends may not keep secrets like how you're able to.
But at least they listen better than you do.

You've given me an avenue. Thanks.
But I'm willing to give you up when I have to.
That'll never happen on my friends.
I can never afford to lose them.
I need them, badly; all of them.

I love you, friends; all of you.
and I never wanna lose any of you.

Tell me.

"Booking in tonight? Hope you're feeling better. Don't bring in all the unhappiness with you alright. Take care and see you soon!..."

All that I've wished for, is you to say that to me.
That'll make my day.

Next phase.

I'm booking in tonight again!
It's a different phase of army from now on.

But I'm going through a different/difficult phase of my life too.
So many things had happened.
There's only 2 times in the past that I feel reluctant to book in.
And I think the 3rd time will be tonight.
So much had happened that I don't wanna go back in.
I'm not ready to give up my freedom just yet.
I wanna get everything settled before that.
But I think it's just a form of discipline.
I'm gonna win over myself. I'm gonna think positive.

Forgive/Forget

We used to have so much to talk about.
We used to have so much laughter about stupid things.
We used to have so much fun together.

I'm so used to it.

But that's all that I can do now.
That's all that I'm left with now.
That's all.

There's nothing else left,
except all the memories.
And now I'm to give up even the last bit of my possession.

--

It's so easy to forgive a friend.
But it's never easy to forgive ourselves.

It's so easy to forget who we are.
But it's never easy to forget a friend.

I can never forgive myself and forget all that's happened.

Macus'

I'm now over at his place.

Can you se how bored I am being home alone?

And I really don't wanna spend the last night that I'm gonna have on this block of leaves alone.

So tada! I'm here. Watching soccer. LOL.

Don't understand.

Don't know why am I feeling so down and emotional these few days.

What happened to all the positive mindset that I used to so successfully convince myself of.

I've gotta shake all these out of my mind soon.
Time will heal. It should.
I know.

Think positive, Jason!

What if .

What if we haven't done it?
Will we regret and pity the chance missed?

So much for wanting to be friends like what we were.
We both know it's impossible.